Nothing Can Separate You from My Love

Soliloquy: "1) A dramatic discourse in which a character reveals his or her thoughts when alone and unaware of the presence of other characters. 2) The act of speaking to oneself." (The American Heritage Dictionary)

~And so I ask, is this not really true prayer? Is this not where the rubber meets the proverbial road? When we're all alone with our thoughts and the rawness of life. When circumstances have torn every bit of shred of "want to" out of us....When we are at those points in life when we're not even sure if God is listening...and we spill our guts....just pure, raw pain....and then, God reveals to us that He'd been listening all the time....for He gently enters our situation, our heart to let us know He's there....even when the circumstance does not change, He changes our hearts by reassuring us that He has not left us nor forsaken us.
~Without being maudlin, it is just reality that there are those times in our lives which leave us feeling totally alone, useless, raw, bleeding from whatever circumstance has intruded upon our life....often leaving us feeling empty handed....and in the process, at times, even wondering if God is truly there. We see Him there for others and wonder if we've been abandoned....Does He still love me?
~The child inside of us crying out for Our Daddy....I don't know about you, but there are times when my heart has sobbed before the Lord, "Father, I know in my head that You are here with me, because Your Word tells me, but I sure do need someone with skin on right now. I sure would appreciate sensing Your Presence with me through all of this. I am asking You, God, for Your encouragement and reassurance through all of this mess, because I simply don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...and the one I do see right now, is the train coming at me."
~Last week I received some news that knocked my feet out from underneath me. I'm weary from warring, and emotionally fell flat on my back...slamming the breath out of me.
~My dear friend and Sister from far away called me the other night. The death of her mother has left her so shell-shocked that putting one foot in front of the other seems to be a monumental task right now. We shared our guts and our tears with each other. We prayed for one another. We loved one another.
~I knew that I'd ministered to my friend in the midst of my own doubts and lack of vision right now.
~And then God.....I received an email from another dear friend who lives on the west coast. She'd not heard from me....Was I OK?....I emailed back in the late afternoon. About an hour later she called, because she felt such concern. She related that she'd had a dream about me the very night when I'd received my "news", and had been pouring out my own soliloquy before the Lord....Her dream was so appropriate for everything going on in my life right now.
~And then, God gave her a prayer....I sobbed through the entire prayer....God had not left me nor forsaken me....In my own darkness of soul, He had heard my soliloquy, and answered by not only giving Joan a dream, but having her call and pray.
~Dear and precious child of the Most High God....His promises are yea and amen. Are my circumstances changed? No. Is my heart changed by His reassurance? Yes. Can I look the future square in the face and go through whatever it is that He's taking me through? Yes...because He's with me all the way. (See "Into His Image")
~For another very descriptive soliloquy, please refer to 1 Samuel 1:1-18, where Hannah just lets herself all hang out before God and Eli, the priest. God heard and answered her "soliloquious" prayer by giving her a son: Samuel.

Romans 8:35-39 "Who shall ever separate us from Christ's love? Shall suffering and affliction and tribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword? Even as it is written, For Thy sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter. Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us. For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Isaiah 49:15-16 "Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before me."

John 14:16, 18 "And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper that He may abide with you forever - ..." "I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."

Under His Wings

~Have you ever wondered about being "under His wings"? I have....I wonder about a lot of things, and one of them is what it would have been like to have had an earthly father who was really there for me....loving and attentive...one who would call me on the phone, just to ask how his girl was doing. I watch fathers with their daughters...and wonder, "What would it have been like?"
~My birth father didn't acknowledge that I was his. My adoptive father did what he knew to do...but just didn't make it over the hurdles of his own past pains....I believe he did the best he knew how....but it left a "daddy void" in my heart.
~So when I come across scripture which tells me that "though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take care of me" (Ps. 27:10)...well, that hits home. I hang onto Him and His Promise that He is, INDEED, my Daddy.
~And in my wondering and pondering, the Lord answered some of my questions about His being my Abba, Papa, Daddy, Da-Da, to me...for there came a day when He interrupted my thoughts and asked.....
"My Dear Daughter, Would you like to know what it is like to be under My wings? What do you see when you watch March of the Emperor Penquins? Watch the daddy penguin with his baby; for that is what I do with you."
~I watched in fascination how the daddy penguin took the egg and held it fast between his feet - under his belly - "UNDER HIS WINGS"....When he moved, the egg moved with him. After the baby penguin emerged from his shell, the daddy continued to hold his precious treasure between his feet...still under his belly...under his wing. Again, when he turned, the baby turned. Daddy penguin held his little one tight to his body for safekeeping from the extreme cold and predators.
~I began to get a deeper revelation of His love and His protection....
Psalm 91:1 (Amplified) "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]." v. 4 "He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness are a shield and a buckler."
Thank-You, Daddy...Please continue to help me to grasp the awesomeness of Your love! (Ephesians 3:17-19) ~You are the Only One Who knows me completely and where the broken places are. Daddy, I give You my heart. You are My Healer....You are My Daddy.

I AM Close to the Broken Hearted

~Tonight, I'm weary and depressed and discouraged....chronic, searing physical pain has been a constant companion for the last 2 mos., and has tagged along as an uninvited, unwelcome, unpaying tenant for almost the past 18 mos. in one form or another. I don't understand it, but do know the Lord has given me visions, scripture and encouragement in the process.
~He showed me a golden tip of a spear, and said, "I AM refining you. Sharpening you; not because you did anything wrong, but because a tool which gets used becomes dull with use and needs to be resharpened." In my heart, I was fairly screaming, "BUT GOD, I HURT SO BADLY!" He is no stranger to pain. He knows. He experienced the reality of human, physical suffering....And then, I bowed my heart and reaffirmed my conviction that I have offered my body to Him as a living sacrifice for His glory - for the Body of Christ - no matter what.
~Then, He gave me a vision of seeing myself walk through a wall of fire....a refiner's fire.
~During group prayer, His Presence was so tangible that we all felt almost helpless to stand. It was as if He put me in His intensive care room to saturate me with His Presence.
~And tonight He has reminded me of a time when overwhelming emotional pain blocked my view of Him....
~My Dear and Precious Daughter....Do you remember when you got hit in the face with the softball and bled profusely? You did not realize who was standing next to you and around you, but you did know that others were with you. That is what happens in pain....The world as you know it becomes a shadow; a blur as the body seeks to protect itself. The body perceives pain and automatically does what it needs to do to protect itself. That is how I have designed you. The brain registers pain as pain...whether it be emotional, spiritual in nature or physical.
~If you had been in a severe accident requiring hospital care, you would be in ICU. You would not care for yourself, but others would care for you as directed by the physician. And whether you are aware of their presence or not, they are still caring for you.
~That is how it is at times with Me. I AM Your Great Physician. Not only am I standing with you, but I send others into your life along the way to minister to you. But sometimes through your pain, you do not see Me or realize that I am there with you. Knowing I AM there when you do not see Me is walking by faith.
~Take comfort, My Love, in knowing that no matter what, I AM by your side and I have a purpose through it all. Trust Me in this. For nothing, absolutely nothing, shall separate you from My love.
Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him....Though He slay me, yet will I praise Him.
Father, no matter what, I will praise You with my whole heart!

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart...." Ps. 34:18

""Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing is happening to you, but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy." 1 Peter 4:12-13.

The Same Yesterday, Today and Forever

~Today is of a slightly different track. What defines "normal" for you? My dear friend is flying back south tomorrow after being "home" for the past couple weeks upon the death of her mother.
~Today, in writing to her, I pondered the age old question, "What is normal?"....It's oftentimes defined by our routines, isn't it? One of my favorite books is entitled, "Normal Is Just a Setting on Your Dryer", by Patsy Clairmont. That just about sums up life, doesn't it!?!
"Normal" for some can mean moving every couple years; normal for others is defined by a life spent on the bleachers until the last one graduates; normal for others is diapers and tears and potty training and spilled milk, etc....not to mention the physical, emotional struggles that some contend with on a daily basis.
~In 2006, our "norm" had been burying our dead. In 2008, it was spent inbetween doctor visits, surgeries, physical therapy, work and home.
~The death of a loved one, the death of a dream, the death of a relationship, job, whatever it may be...however permanently shifts the sands of "normal" along our path of life. I remember thinking after my mother died, "I need to call mom. I haven't talked to her in a couple weeks."....Then, my "new" normal began to slam my heart to the floor...right there at the kitchen sink with a sinkful of dirty dishes....unannounced and uninvited....as the door of reality opened by itself and let itself in.

It is only as our "normal shifts" that I believe we truly learn to rejoice in the fact that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever", and that He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps. His promise is that when we call, He WILL answer, and that His plans for us are for good and not for evil.

No matter what our "normal" is right now....may we know that He is the same - He changes not.

Underneath Are The Everlasting Arms

~A very dear friend of mine came home this past week to bury her 90 year old mother. It brought back memories of my own mother's death and the 10 months of constant grief for my husband and I which occurred between Palm Sunday 2006 to February 2007. We buried four members of my husband's family and two very dear friends from the nursing home ministry; only three of which were anticipated...The other three were suddenlies. We got to a point where didn't even want to answer the phone. ....Steve's oldest brother, Kent, his father (who was like a father to me)...our friend, Myrna Jean. In August, after Myrna's death, sobbing, I asked God that not one more loved one die. Two weeks later, we buried Steve's close cousin, Judy. Two and a half months later, his brother, Johnny. Four months later, Myrna's husband, Jim.
~In the middle of all of this, a precious friend of Steve's father, and our "adopted mom", sent us the following scripture and quotes. Ida is now in the last days of cancer. She's going Home soon, too. Grief has come knocking once again.

~God, once again, hold us in Your Everlasting Arms.

Deuteronomy 33:27
“…The eternal God is your refuge and dwelling place,
and underneath are the everlasting arms;….”

Everlasting Arms

“God, the eternal God, is our support at all times,
especially when we are sinking into deep trouble.
There are seasons when we sink quite low....
Dear child of God,
even when you are at your lowest,
underneath are the everlasting arms.”
Charles Spurgeon

“However low the people of God
are at any time brought,
everlasting arms are underneath them
to keep the spirit
from fainting and the faith from failing,
even when they are pressed above measure....
everlasting arms with which believers
have been wonderfully sustained and
kept cheerful in the worst of times.
Divine grace is sufficient.”
Matthew Henry

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You."

Isaiah 42:3 "A bruised reed He will not break and smoking flax He will not quench."

Who Will Stand?

Who will stand in the courts (that place of gathering)

where I tell you to gather and praise Me?

Who will stand and make My declarations known among the peoples?

Who will stand for Me in the exploits which I yearn to pour out

among the poor, the weak, the lame, the blind?

For I declare that I search to and fro looking for those

who will dare to take a stand for Me outside the safety

of the four walls which is called "the church".

I look for a People to boldly declare My Word in the highways and byways;

the unassuming places in the darkest corners of the earth

that I may reveal My Glory to the uttermost.

I yearn to be where it looks hopeless and blackest;

for that is where My Glory shines brightest.

For the desire of My heart is to reveal Myself to the lost;

-unto all who have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

I long to reveal My Son to the broken-hearted and downcast;

to those who have no hope; for a bruised reed I will not break;

but shall reveal Myself strong in their day of trouble.

I AM searching for an Army who will march into the enemy's camp

and take him by storm to take back the land.

Who will stand?

Who will stand?

Who will be My Mouthpiece in the places of desolation and ruin?

Who will answer?....Here am I, Lord, send me.

Do you hear Me calling you, My Beloved?

O that you would have eyes to see into My Kingdom

all the Glory that I desire to pour out upon the earth.

For in the latter days, I shall pour out My Spirit upon ALL flesh.

Isaiah 40:3b-5

"Prepare the way of the Lord;

Make straight in the desert

A highway for our God.

Every valley shall be exalted

And every mountain and hill brought low;

The crooked places shall be made straight

And the rough places smooth;

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

And all flesh shall see it together;

For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."

It was as if I felt the Lord's heart aching in His desire to see His Body arise to be about Our Father's business...His will...not ours, be done....His desire to see His Body be actively involved in ministry, because of His heart for the lost and hurting.

The Essence of Worship Is Surrender

~My Love, the essence of your worship is to humbly bow your will, your life, before Me ~ To humble your heart before Me; to ask that My will be done in all situations; to walk before Me in the Way I have ordained for you in My Kingdom realm...not according to your own will and desires and plans, but according to My will for your life; in that I may accomplish My will through you from Heaven to the earth that My Father, Our Father may be glorified.
~This, My Love, is to seek first the Kingdom of God. (Matt. 6:33) When you seek Me, to request that My will be done, you are acknowledging that I have full knowledge of the situation and what I desire to be accomplished through it. ~For when you seek first My Kingdom, seek My will, My wisdom, My desire; for it is I Who see the end from the beginning and the way to get there.
~My Love, when I walked the earth, I sought The Father's will in all situations for I did not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me. (John 5:30b)
~I tell you the truth, there are times when you have asked amiss so that you could spend it on your own pleasures. (James 4:3) Yet truly I say to you that "if anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (Mark 8:34b)
~It is in losing your life, My dear one, that you will truly know what it is to live and move and have your being in Me. (Acts 17:28)
~To worship Me is to adore Me. To adore Me is to love Me. To love Me is to keep/obey My commandments. To obey is to hear with compliant submission.
~My Love, think not that I do not understand, for I was tempted in all ways as you, but yet was without sin. I shall give you My power through the Holy Spirit to go through all to which I've called you, as I was enabled to endure the Cross for your sake; for pleasing and glorifying the Father for your salvation was the joy set before Me. (Hebrews 12:2)

"O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me;

nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will." (Matt. 26:39)

I SURRENDER ALL

v. 1 "All to Jesus, I surrender, All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him, In His Presence daily live.

v. 2 All to Jesus I surrender, Humbly at His feet I bow.

Worldy pleasures all forsaken, Take me Jesus, take me now.

v. 3 All to Jesus I surrender, Make me, Saviour, wholly Thine;

Let me feel the Holy Spirit, Truly know that Thou art mine.

v. 4 All to Jesus I surrender, Lord, I give myself to Thee;

Fill me with Thy love and power, Let Thy blessing fall on me.

I surrender all, I surrender all, All to Thee, my blessed Saviour, I surrender all."

Winfield S. Weeden

I'm not exactly sure when this revelation hit me, but when the Lord brought this "home", His revelation hit me between the running lights! ~It was during my divorce that I allowed myself to be involved with another man. I was living in sin, and I knew it. Had I died, I know I would've gone to hell. I was weak in my flesh, and the enemy took full advantage, and I entertained his enticement. On Sundays, I would be singing up front in church with the Praise Team. I was living a lie. But God's heart was to deliver me. After four years of walking in rebellion, on one particular Sunday, our pastor preached a message straight from the heart of God. I was overcome with conviction. I knew I had to make a change and not wait. I confessed my sin to my pastor. And then I needed to walk it out with the Lord. In the meantime, God brought to light that which had been hidden in darkness regarding this man. I was ashamed and broken beyond broken. The Lord gently assured me, "Crista, my grace is sufficient for you." In the process, I began a faith walk like I had never before allowed the Lord to lead me. ~What the Lord showed me was that as in Isaiah 29:13, I too, had honored and praised the Lord with my lips, but my heart was far from Him. That truly, to honor, praise and worship Him, involved my total heart and obedience (surrender) in all matters. I could not stand in church and praise Him, and then live a life of disobedience to Him and His Word. ~I surrendered all. "Lord, do whatever it takes, to take me wherever You want to take me." That was the summer, I was "homeless".....more on that later.....