What I'm about to write to you....well, I've never put in print before...but have told this to many a person. Today...I feel I must write.
It was just a month ago that I drove to my hometown of Lowell, Michigan to attend the funeral of my sister-in-law's father. Everything seemed to be going as expected....
Rolling down my window to find out where the parking attendant wanted me to park my car...."Hey, Don! Great to see you!" I chatted. (Always nice to be back in my hometown to see friendly folks that I hadn't seen in a long time.)
Don knew I was part of the family....It was my brother's wife's father who had passed away...."Hey Cris! How's my girl?"....Now at my age, if anyone wants to call me a girl, I have absolutely no problem with that! I'd known Don for years. He was a close friend of my cousin and her husband, and he knew both my brother, Gary and I since we were just little squirts.
"You going to the cemetery?"
"Sure am, Don."
"Well then, he said pointing to my left, "You just take your place behind this red truck where your brother will be."
This necessitated a U-turn in order to get my car into position.....but as I wheeled around, I was totally unprepared for what happened next.....
There...at the rear of the funeral home....sat the white hearse poised and stationed to carry Connie's father's body to his earthly resting place....And unexpectedly, I came stone cold face to face with the same white hearse that carried my mother's body 16 years prior. In the flash of a nanosecond, I whirled back to her funeral. It took all I had to keep myself together. Fumbling for my keys and purse, I set about to enter the funeral home. It was as if I were dazed and in shock; fighting back tears. What had just happened? Why?
My brother greeted me with his tender, "Hey Sis, how ya' doing?"
Fighting back a flood of emotion, I choked, "Not too bad - until I saw that white hearse! Gary, it brought it all back!"
Mom's funeral: April 24rd, 1996 So many people had gathered at her visitation....Business associates dating back 35 years....Townspeople who had known mom since childhood....my personal friends....
And there was that white hearse...Couldn't the funeral home at least bought a different color since '96? I don't even remember what kind of car we rode in to the cemetery....All I remember is those long two miles to her grave ite....and the back end of that hearse!
Remembering back.....In the Fall of 1995, I had just returned from a three week trip to Germany in August; during which time, my mother-in-law had passed away...."Don't come home", my husband told me. "Mom wouldn't have wanted you to."
My mother-in-law, Marg....One who had so faithfully prayed for my salvation.
Lung cancer was diagnosed in the early part of the year....(She'd never been a smoker, but her deceased husband had.) I was planning my trip to Germany to visit my birth family and friends. I asked my husband, "What if your mother passes away while I'm gone." "Oh, that's not going to happen." he replied nonchalantly. Probably his own defense mechanism, but in my heart, I wasn't too sure.....One week after I arrived in Germany, I received the phone call that she'd passed into Heaven.
Mom Hull didn't want any one to come visit her after her diagnosis....I never got a chance to tell her how much she meant to me...or say "Good-bye", but I think she knew.
Now, less than a year later, I was burying my mother.....
About two week's after arriving back home from Germany that August, and still not quite recovered from my trip, I received a phone call that my mother had fallen and broken her shoulder. Her cancer had now spread to her bones. She not only required physical assistance, but my background in nursing to help with obtaining home medical equipment and care.
On top of all this, my father had also been diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer and required immediate surgery.
Life from that point on became a blur. Hour long trips to Lowell to get mom settled into her "new" hospital bed. The dining room became her bedroom.
As I wrote in a previous blog, this was when my mom accepted the Lord as her Savior; asking Jesus into her heart....My mother who never "needed" any one's help and would do just fine - alone, thank you very much....until she realized that she needed Jesus.
The looming sense of eternity smacked her full in the face....Where would she spend it? Jesus came into her "bedroom" that evening in a gentle, tender way that is all His own, to invite my mother to take His hand and as a result, invite Him into her heart....She bent her heart before Him that evening to ask, "Jesus, come into my heart. I need You." The promise of a new, heavenly body and eternity in Heaven with Him now rested peacefully in her heart.
The months passed....My dad uncharacteristically slipping away out of the house when I came to care for mom....
We decided to give mom a surprise 75th birthday party in November and invited absolutely everyone we could think of! It was such a joyous time! She truly felt like "Queen for a Day". We could think of no way better to honor her.
By December, neither mom or dad were doing very well, and I was afraid that they would both pass away during this time. The blessing of having a caretaker in the house 24/7 relieved many a family's mind during this stressful time. Dad had seen to it that mom had round the clock care since her September fall.
By Christmas, I was praying the Lord would not allow my mom to suffer; asking Him to take her Home before her condition deteriorated to the point of agony for both herself and our family. During my prayer time, I saw Jesus walking toward my mother and saying simply, "Ida. It's time to take My hand. It's time to go Home now." I felt such peace in my heart.
Comforted by this vision, I shared with mom what the Lord had shown me. Yet ever the skeptic, she pointedly asked, "How will you know if you're right?"
"Well, mom. I don't, but if the Lord wants me to know, I'm sure He'll do it somehow."
Wed., April 17th, 1996. I made the hour drive for my weekly visit. Our Hospice nurse would be making her rounds, and I wanted to be there. The minute I went to my mother's bedside, she said, "Cristy, don't leave me."
"I won't, Mom." I assured her. (I wasn't sure what she was telling me at the time, but it became clear within 24 hours. A severe head injury from a car crash in 1972 left my mother's communication skills in a challenging state.)
Mom and I had quite the discussion that day.....Looking about her at the pool and spa that lay in the backyard and motioning to the vast expanse of their house, she remarked in the way a person who has seen Heaven would talk, "Cristy. None of this means anything."...."I know, Mom....I know."......This, coming from the mouth of my mother who had wanted nothing more than to be a self-made millionaire in her life, had acknowledged that NONE of her earthly possessions amounted to a hill of beans.
We never really ever had a family....We had an existence in a house....and the business was always the reason for every disappointment.
By Thursday morning, my mother announced after her meager breakfast of Jell-O and juice, "I want to say 'Good-bye'"...."You do, Mom? To whom?"....."Everyone", came her matter of fact reply.
We called the family together.....
Later that Thursday evening in a scene that I shall never forget....my mother in a coma....my father sat reading at her bedside....spending time with my mother....That was the only thing in life she really ever wanted in their almost 50 years of marriage....and now, when it was too late...he sat with her....The agony and tragedy of it all.
That night I lay on the living room couch in the next room....listening as her breathing stopped...and then start again.....
Friday morning, mom's eyes were opened, but she was no longer seeing in this world.
"Mom. What are you seeing?", I asked her gently.
"I see God. I see the Lord," she replied. My mother had never before in her life, ever used the term "the Lord". I knew what she was seeing was real!
"Is He coming to get you? Is He holding out His hand to you?"
"Yes." was all she replied.
"Then, Mom....take His hand and go."
Her eyes remained closed....she continued to breathe.....
By the next morning, her nurse's aid had arrived to care for her that day.....
As God is my witness, and Elizabeth (her Tech. who is also a Christian) who stood by, my mother stated in the most robotic voice I have ever heard, "I died. I died yesterday." Elizabeth and I just stared at each other at what we'd just heard.
Absolutely incredulous! Elizabeth continued her care.
At 6:24 pm the next evening, my mother's body died....and the crystal on her best friend's watch broke.
The funeral visitation....the service....and procession to the cemetery....the graveside service....then time to walk away from her grave....Her life on earth was over.
And then the Lord spoke so clearly that I can still hear Him today...."Why do you seek the living among the dead? She is not here. She is risen. She is risen, indeed!"
Oh....blessed assurance. Thank You, Jesus!
"So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory." I Cor. 15:54-55
"Now on the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they, and certain other women with them, came to the tomb bringing the spices which they had prepared. But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb. Then they went in and did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. And it happened, as they were greatly perplexed about this, that behold, two men stood by them in shining garments. Then, as they were afraid and bowed their faces to the earth, they said to them, 'Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen!'" Luke 24:1-6
"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live." John 11:26
"I am He who lives and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death." Revelation 1:18
Blessed be the Name of the Lord.
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving Ponderings - Beauty for the Ashes
Last week my oldest son, Brandon, who is a pastor...brought a group of 90 to "The Call" in Detroit. My husband and I were blessed with the opportunity to join him for dinner; however with his responsibility for that size group of adults and youth, I was a bit dubious as to how much time we'd get to spend with him. God saw to it that we had the time.....(Brandon, now 33/blue check and Trevor, now 30 and grey shirt, live 800 miles away so we only get the opportunity to visit face to face about one time per year, which makes our times together even more precious.)
One table over, not wanting to miss an opportunity to gab, I took the chance of introducing myself to one young man, "Hi. I'm Brandon's mom."
"I'm honored, " he immediately replied. "I'm Paul." (My mother's heart thumped. This young man was honored to meet me! God's restorative work through Brandon was the reason for his comment.) We shared a brief discussion and I returned to join my husband and son.
And then an adult who is an instructor in the ministries school stopped by our table to chat. Brandon introduced us, "Ruth, this is my mother."
Ruth sweetly offered, "We just love Brandon. When he speaks, the presence of God comes into the room. We are so blessed to have him."
At this point, I could not hold back my tears....."Thank you", I choked. "What a blessing to hear this, because God restored our family. We were just trashed; just trashed as a family...but God restored us." Memories of the past overwhelmed me....where we were then....where we are now. Who would have thought?.....Only God!
TRASHED....ASHES...BOTTOM OF THE BARREL....BOTTOM OF THE HEAP....You name it, we were there.
Brandon and Trevor were both in the mid/later teens, yet still in high school when their father and I divorced. They chose to live with their father....which collapsed my heart to shreds. I felt as if they'd both died in a car accident. My depression turned suicidal and I entered a local psychiatric unit for a week.
During this time, I had also become sexually involved with a former boyfriend. The emotional emptiness in my 21 year marriage and my own issues made me vulnerable to Satan's pit into which I had willingly walked. I submitted myself to the comfort of a married man's arms.
I knew that I was wrong before the Lord and with His conviction, forgiveness, grace, mercy and strength later on, I stopped the sexual involvement, but the emotional attachment still existed. We were planning to one day be married. However, after discovering four years later that I'd been believing a lie, it was revealed that he'd never filed for divorce. The ring and the dress which waited in my closet would one day belong to someone else....and my house of 22 years would belong to someone else, too.
It was during this mess in my life that Brandon, in Feb. '99 - 18 years old and 8 mos. post graduation, showed up on my doorstep at 7:30 AM coming down from an LSD trip. "Mom, do you believe in Jesus?" he asked.
"Of course I do, Brandon. He's the only way."
Brandon continued, "I was in a battle for my soul for the past six hours, and it was only my faith that saved me. I saw demons. I saw angels. I saw the Kingdom of Heaven."
Two weeks later, I had the opportunity to ask Brandon if he'd had a type of out of body experience....He replied, "Mom, Satan showed up that night and said, 'You're going to die tonight and I'm taking you with me.' I even saw the demons attached to the posters that I had in my room!"
He immediately moved back into my home. Sleeping on the floor in the hallway next to my bedroom he shared, "Mom, when I sleep downstairs the demons come after me, but when I sleep up here next to you, I'm at peace."
Brandon turned his back 180 degrees on the lifestyle he'd been living, but I'd had no idea of the drug and pornography world that had taken hold of him. It was while living with their father that Brandon, while in high school, began dealing marijuana out of their home. Trevor got involved in this hell hole, too, even though their father was a lieutenant of road patrol in our regional sheriff's department.
But God performed a miracle in Brandon as he came back to Him with his whole heart and gradually grew spiritually and emotionally stronger.
The fight at times was intense...and I got a crash course in spiritual warfare! Yet, one more great battle had yet to be fought....Fast forward six months. I was now living in a temporary place. I'd brought Brandon home with me after he'd been at his father's. The Lord had told me there was going to be a battle, and I prayed in tongues the entire 30 minute drive to pick him up.
Not more than a half hour after returning to my place did the battle begin and continued for the next three hours. I cannot remember it all, but what I do remember is this: There came a point at about three o'clock in the morning when standing directly above my son, who lie spewing vile and vulgar obscenities in a voice I did not know, I called upon Jesus and His angels to intercede and help with a passion and a fervor never before known to me. I could feel Him at my right side. Brandon no longer looked to me, but to my right.....I cannot tell you what I said, I only knew that He was there....and my son was delivered that night.
Brandon will tell you the same thing. He saw Jesus standing to my right. Having gotten involved again with marijuana that evening at his father's, the demons had returned, seven times stronger than before....but Jesus delivered my son. Hallelujah! Praise God! That was 12 years ago.
While living with their father, my sons wanted little to do with me....I knew enough about their living conditions to be very concerned....There was nothing I could do legally. All I could do was pray. And pray I did!
Then in 2000, while I was 800 miles away in Michigan having just returned from a 5 week visit to Germany, Brandon experienced a car crash in which the oncoming car T-boned his car on the passenger side. He was airlifted to a larger hospital, because there was so much blood. His car looked as if God, Himself had wrapped His hands around the driver's seat where Brandon had sat. Brandon was discharged from ER that evening with a mild concusion and a cracked rib. Someone from the flight staff visited him in ER before his discharge, "Dude, you shouldn't even be alive!!!!"
Then on a visit to Brandon's, gasping, I stared at his car photos for the first time. It looked as if God, Himself, had wrapped His hands around the driver's seat where Brandon had sat. Stuttering through my tears, "Brandon, this is the type of wrecks that only drunks walk away from!"
"Mom," he replied, "It was as if an angel knocked me out just prior to the impact."
.....But God.....
Then last year, while camping in the northern wilderness of Michigan's Upper Peninsula, Steve and I made our way into a local village to secure more staples. My cell phone indicated I had some voice mails.
Trevor's voice...weak, but there....."Mom, I'm in the hospital. Remember the dream you told me about where you saw me in the hospital and I was calling out to God, well...it's happening now...."......and his voice trailed off......My heart stopped and I burst into tears....
I could barely get the words out to my husband....Just holding my phone up in the air to his face, I choked, "That was Trevor. I don't know if he's dead or alive....."
And because there was no cell phone coverage where we were camping, this voice mail was 24 hours old!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!
Frantically I called Trevor....no answer......then Brandon....no answer.....All I could do was wait and pray....Within a half hour, Brandon called....Trevor had made some bad choices the night before....Knowing that he was medically crashing, Trevor had called 911 for himself....He was admitted to ER at about midnight. All I know is that his condition was not good. Brandon arrived and prayed for Trevor....Trevor vomited into the wastebasket....He was released to go home at approximately 5:30 AM. The doctor stated, "You should not have gotten better this quickly. This just doesn't happen." Trevor made it into work that morning....from one foot in the grave to fully restored.
There had been a time when in the midst of losing my 3500 sq. ft. home on a spacious, country 10 acres and everything I owned with the exception of 10 plastic storage bins containing my "savings" that I cried out to God. "Lord, please, I beg of You, may I never have to bury either of my sons!" I had nothing....but I had my salvation and my sons were alive. I vowed that I could weather whatever further came my way....
Thanksgiving....Yes, thank You, Lord for restoring our family and giving us Your beauty for the ashes. Isaiah 61:3.
Thank You that in the Valley of Achor...that place of death....You ARE Our Door of Hope. (Hosea 2:14 and You became My Husband...Hosea 2:16)
Lord, I pray that this testimony of how You have worked in our lives will encourage someone else today who needs to know You ARE with them and You ARE mighty in battle and Your arm is not too short that it cannot save. (Isaiah 59:1)
"Lord God, I come before You in the mighty Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ and I pray that since You know exactly how You want to reveal Yourself to the person reading this testimony of Your Goodness, Glory and Strength that You show Yourself strong on their behalf. Lord, when we are weak, then are You strong and You've told us that Your Grace is sufficient for us. Father, I pray Your Grace be revealed for Your Glory in each and every person who reads this today....for Lord, we need You. I pray Your Peace which surpasses understanding to cover the heart and mind of every person who reads this testimony....knowing that we overcome the evil one by the word of our testimony and the Blood of the Lamb. Glory to Your Name! Amen and amen."
Be blessed and Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
Saturday, November 19, 2011
God's Purpose in a Sporting Goods Store....Nonna Bannister
There are those times in life when we search out a particular book, and then there are the times when it is as if God puts the book into our hands, Himself. The second method is how I came to purchase "The Secret Holocaust Diaries - The untold story of Nonna Bannister" by Nonna Bannister, Denise George and Carolyn Tomlin; available through Amazon.com via the link provided. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_28?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+secret+holocaust+diaries+the+untold+story+of+nonna+bannister&sprefix=The+Secret+Holocaust+Diaries
My husband and I live in Michigan and we love to fish in the lush Upper Peninsula. Our summer trek is an annual event the end of August as the U.P. has usually "warmed up" by then! And so it is that we have begun to include a stop at "Jay's Sporting Goods" shop; just a short hop from the Mackinac Bridge.
What is the likelihood of finding a Christian book in a sporting goods store? But that is exactly what happened. "Jay's" in Gaylord, Michigan offers a wide variety of hunting, fishing, clothing and home items; devoting one very minor section to a rack of Christian books. We've been there so often that its not unusual for us to make a beeline for our favorite sections. He enjoys checking out guns and fish lures, and I tend toward sniffing various candle scents, checking out the Woolrich brand sales rack and "testing" hand creams.
Window shopping in my corner of the store, I made my way to the Christian book rack....My eyes fell upon Nonna's book....a brownish black and grey cover....Nonna's photo of her girlish face...haunting eyes staring out over a lined linen cloth....hair parted....pigtails decorated with bows...The title: "the secret HOLOCAUST DIARIES - The untold story of Nonna Bannister".....
.....I picked it up...looked it over...read the description on the back cover....flipped through some of the pages...and set it back neatly in the rack....Slowly twirling the rack around and perusing the other selections, I came back to Nonna's book....I felt drawn to this book....I read further....
Nonna had written an account of her life through the Holocaust and never revealed her story to her husband or family until much, much later in life. And now after her passing, her story has been revealed for us.
The back cover reads: "The Secret Holocaust Diaries is a haunting eyewitness account of Nonna Lisowskaja Bannister, a remarkable Russian American woman who saw and survived unspeakable evils as a young girl. For half a century she kept her story secret while living a normal American life. She locked all her photos, documents, diaries, and dark memories from World War II in a trunk. Late in life she unlocked the trunk, first for herself, then for her husband, and now for the rest of the world.
Nonna's story is one of suffering, torture, and death - but also of incredible acts of kindness that show the ultimate triumph of faith and love over despair and evil. The Secret Holocaust Diaries is in part a tragedy, yet it's also an unforgettable true story about forgiveness, courage, and hope."
I was hooked. A story of another over comer! I wanted to know more.......
And then "more" happened; more than I had ever anticipated.....Throughout the past 20 years of my life, multiple people have encouraged me to write my story of adoption from Germany...finding my birth mother...and siblings...and the abuse which existed in my adoptive home and how the Lord healed me.
This Fall was no exception....Having connected with other writers through the internet, women who had never met me personally were now encouraging me to write. And God was letting me know that now is the time. "Lord, I will need Your grace and mercy and strength"; for multiple times before I'd sat to write and gotten stuck in the thick sludge of memories and feelings.....How to write and not be overwhelmed?
And then I read Nonna's book....Her courage blazes across each page....Raw courage of survival....God triumphing with His goodness over all the evil which had happened in her life. God's restoration for a past which had been ripped from her tender hands.....She hadn't signed up for this tragedy in her life. Nobody signs up for a tragedy; for it is the result of something which is totally out of your control!
However, God showed Himself strong on her behalf. He gave her His beauty for the ashes. Nonna's past did not determine her future.
I purposed anew that if Nonna Bannister could write her book.....so could I!
Thank you, Nonna Bannister; Thank you to your family for the countless hours you spent organizing, etc; Thank you Denise and Carol; but most of all, Thank You, Lord~
Tenderly yours,
Crista~
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