Under the Shadow of My Wing

I feel compelled of the Lord to write to you this morning to encourage your heart that the Lord has not left you for His promises are yea and amen.  One of His greatest promises to you is that He will never ever, no, not ever leave you or forsake you.  Heb. 13:5.  He IS with us always; even in our point of despair.

Let me share with you that my husband and I were in the midst of a very turbulent time in our marriage.  The traumatic experience triggered my PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and I went in to full blown anxiety and chemical depression.

Chemically in my body, I began to slide emotionally.  I struggled to keep myself together and continue to function in life and my piano teaching job, but life within me began to shut down in an attempt for self-preservation.  My anxieties grew to the point of being overwhelmed and life seemed like one big tidal wave slamming into my heart and emotions.  I wanted a place to escape, but could find none.  Fear gave way to panic.  Thoughts of suicide caused me to panic even more.  I knew that as a Christian, suicide was wrong and would send me to hell.  Yet, I felt increasingly unable to control my emotions let alone my actions.

It was at this point that I became so despondent, I didn't even know in my heart if God still loved me, because I'd bottomed out into such a deep pit...the deep pit of miry clay and despair.  I despaired of my life; no longer able to see beyond my overwhelming pain.  I felt so alone.  No one to really admit how I was feeling.  Oh yes, I called a couple very close friends to ask for prayer, but I never admitted how close to the edge I was....yet, they had figured it out anyhow.
(How I thank God for praying friends who will pray without being asked!!!)

I had driven to a small park down by the river wondering what it would be like to throw myself into the swirling rapids and drown.....Sitting there, I cried out to God, "PLEASE let me know that YOU LOVE ME!  It was within seconds of ending this prayer that a friend called me who lived 800 miles away.  My heart rejoiced!  The Lord answered by having Becky call me.  A glimmer of hope.  Thank You, Jesus for Your swift answer.  (He says to call to Him and He WILL answer. Jer. 33:3)

From there I attended our church's prayer service.  Kneeling and sobbing before the Lord, He said in His still small voice, "Crista, I shall keep you covered under the shadow of my wing and care for you as a mother hen cares for her chicks."  I continued to sob and sob from my great pain, but I knew God was in the midst of my storm.  Just as Jesus said when He looked out over Jerusalem, He was now comforting me with His promise from Ps. 91 that I was under the shadow of His wing. 

Why would I, a Spirit-filled believer in Jesus Christ, admit to such a thing?  Because sometimes we experience emotional pain to such a severity that we hardly dare to admit to ourself let alone someone else....Because sometimes our bodies take us into an emotional emergency due to chemical imbalances.  And like a heart attack or diabetic coma, we need emergent treatment.  (I'm not talking about a bad case of the blues, I am talking about full blown clinical depression out of which a person cannot bring themselves out.

Medical intervention for psychiatric problems does not connote faithlessness.
I believe quite the opposite is true.  It takes "Jesus Help!" faith to cry out to Him for help and then to do as He directs.  And for me, it was to a psychiatric hospital where I could get physical and emotional help in my time of need.  The pain of depression was as if  I'd entered an excruciating cocoon.  Hurting and feeling so alone.

I thank God I had the presence of mind to schedule an appointment with a therapist.  My husband and I were also meeting with our pastor, but with my body's chemistry now altered, I needed medical intervention.

At my first appointment, my therapist recommended that I enter an out-patient partial hospitalization program at the psychiatric hospital.  I packed my bag and moved in with friends for a week while I attended the hospital program. 

It was there that I came face to face with the diagnosis I'd heard before:
MDD....Major Depressive Disorder with anxiety.  This was my third hospitalization since 1990.  This type of depression has a genetic component, and I knew enough about my family history to know that my German birth mother and two sisters had suffered from depression and emotional issues.  Medication has now become a part of my life, just as my blood pressure and cholesterol medications.  I thank God for the medication He's provided to keep me in chemical balance.  I thank God for psychiatric care workers.  I thank God for my husband and praying friends who saw what I couldn't at the time.  It's been five months now since my hospitalization and I can truly say that I now feel well!  Hallelujah! 

In closing, this is God's promise to us that "He who dwells in the secret place shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." Ps. 91:1 And in Ps. 91:4 "He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge."

Ps. 18:6 "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God.  He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears."

Deut. 33:26-27 "There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you.  The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.  He will thrust out the enemy from before you, and will say, 'Destroy!' "

Know this, that no matter how deep your pit, Jesus is deeper still for nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from His love.

Be encouraged this day that no matter how much your storm is raging right now, that He is with you and will deliver you for He is no respector of persons.  What He did for me, He will do for you.  And by all means, if you need professional help, seek it. 

"Lord, please encourage the ones who find themselves in a raging storm.  Reach down from heaven to touch them, for your arm is not too short that it cannot save.  Lord, fulfill your promise that underneath are your everlasting arms and you cover these hurting ones with your feathers; for You will care for them as a mother hen cares for her chicks."  Thank You, Jesus.  Amen and amen."

Ever yours in His love and mine,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com

New Life After Brokenness

Dear Reader,
This morning the Lord was encouraging my heart after a year of heartbreak and personal issues.  I had grown weary, feeling broken and empty.  I asked the Lord to renew and refresh my spirit.

This morning, He said, "It is I who use your brokenness for My Glory.  As the woman who poured pure nard over my feet and washed them with her tears; she first broke the container.  Then the aroma filled the room.  So will I use your brokennes as a sweet smelling savor for My Glory.  Be of good cheer.  Stay the course.  I shall renew the places in your heart which feel void; for I am The One who takes nothing and makes something out of it for My good."

It was then that I read this current posting by my friend, Becky Porter.   I just love it when God confirms His prophetic word.  Read it and be encouraged.  God knows our brokenness and out of it, He will give new life.

Blessings and love always,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com

September 16, 2012

Healing, Brokenness and Transformation

By Becky Porter

I hear the Lord saying: You are in a season of healing, brokenness and transformation. You need to go through this refining process before I release you into the new places I have prepared for you. I know at times it has been very painful, but it is a necessary part of the process you must go through. If you realized all that has already been accomplished you would rejoice! Be encouraged, for you have made great progress and are much further along than you realize!

Excerpt from a prophetic Word the Lord gave me in 2004:

I see a vision of us in the spin cycle of a washing machine. As we spin around, the things of the flesh are being spun off (wrung out) of us, just as water is wrung out of clothes in a washing machine. This is nothing to fear, it just simply means that God is going to be setting us free from some things. The more quickly we submit and surrender to the Lord’s “surgery”, the more quickly we will pass the test and be able to move on to the next level that He has for us. Some people wrestle with God their entire lives and fight this embracing of the cross (the process of dying to the flesh), and because of this, God can never FULLY use these people, and they never truly fulfill all of the call and destiny that God has for them.

In John 12:24, the Lord says, “Unless the grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it abides alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Life is in the grain. However, there is a shell outside of the grain, a very powerful shell. As long as this shell does not break open, the grain cannot grow. “Unless the grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies.” What is this death? It is the action of the temperature and moisture of the earth upon the grain, which results in the breaking of the shell. When the shell breaks, the grain grows. Therefore, it is not a matter of whether or not the grain has life, but whether the outer shell is broken. Just as with the alabaster flask that had to be broken open before the costly perfume could be poured forth, so it is with us. God has to break the hard and rigid shell of flesh off of us before His life can truly spring forth and be poured forth from our lives in purity. How does this breaking occur? God uses many various ways to get rid of our flesh, (our self-life) – He has a way of making the environment just right – He sets the flames to the exact right temperature as He “bakes” our clay vessels, and just when we feel it is too hot and we can’t take anymore, He lowers the temperature and lets us cool off and rest awhile before He takes the flames yet even higher. Is it painful? Yes, VERY painful! But the end result is that we become a pure vessel of honor that God can use for His glory! After God has removed the dross and impurities from our lives, His reflection, His glory, His goodness, His mercy, His compassion, His love, His authority and His power can now be seen, and the precious, costly, sweet fragrance of Christ is now able to pour forth freely from us - unhindered!

Becky Porter

lovetoencourage@yahoo.com

Love, Daddy

~ I must admit there are times when past wounds gut punch me and I still bleed a bit...not as much as I used to...but still there staring me in the face and wanting to know what I'm going to do with them.
~For many of us, that can mean continuing to struggle with issues involving our parents - or other close family members. We find that we've done all we can in respecting them and not wounding back - as sometimes is the temptation, but the wound is still there. We get ourselves patched up, and then wham!...there we go again.
~For me, it involves my father. My adopted father has been my dad since I was four mos. old....If anyone is going to pick up the phone to call the other...it's me. For many years, he's signed his Christmas card with his first name...and this last year began using his army title of "Colonel"; not "Love, Dad"...but Colonel ______. I can rationalize in my head, but my heart just doesn't get it.
~Expressing my hurt to my husband the other day, I remarked, "Maybe I just need to call dad and ask him why...get things cleared up a bit." (But, I really don't think it would help....)
~Beloved, God knows our deepest wounds and how to fix them. He surprised me, when later that same day, He gently, tenderly and lovingly entered my thoughts....
"Crista, I always sign my cards, Love, Daddy."
So for all of us out there who need a reminder....just know that the card God sent you today is signed...."Love, Daddy".
~Some days, we really need God with skin on...don't we. We know in our heads, but our hearts are hurting. ~The following web site is really soothing when you just need a reminder that God is really there for you. Be blessed! ~And be sure to TURN UP THE VOLUME~ :>)
http://www.bittybitznpieces.com/FathersLoveLetter~.htm

Ephesians 3:19a "[That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience];...."