“My Piano Bench Lesson”
Revised: May 7, 2008
Yes, my flesh was rupturing. Not a pretty sight, but necessary to advance in the Kingdom, because God loves us too much to leave us where we are. I’d finished reading Bruce’s book. Now it was time to take stock. Sin can cause pain. Walking in obedience can cause pain. Not too encouraging at the time. Yet that is a fact in our walk with the Lord. To go higher in the Spirit, He calls us deeper. And going deeper involves more cutting of the flesh. We have to be cut, gutted out, boiled and fired in the kiln. It is our choice. To whom will be bow? Flesh or Spirit?
I knew from reading and prayer that my pain was a result of walking in obedience. And now, the Lord was allowing this situation to grow me more fully in Him. I remember standing at my kitchen counter and literally begging Him to tie my flesh to the horns of the altar. I knew that if I didn’t get through this test, I would face the same test, and I didn’t want to go around this mountain again!
be a light shining from somewhere within the tunnel. But now, dark turned to pitch. I had remained faithful in my tithes and offering over the years, however not always my first fruits. The Lord had been dealing with me about his issue. It seemed every time I turned around, there was I Kings 17 again!!! I knew what he was asking me to do. Let go! But did I really trust Him?
Trust…always the bottom line issue with me in my relationship with Him. I knew His love, grace, mercy and strength had carried me through many major trials in my life: adoption, sexual abuse, job loss, suicidal depressions, divorce, a sinful relationship and selling my home. But now, single, self-employed and less than $50 to my name, a late car payment, and many more bills that I did not even have money to consider paying. On July 24th, I wrote in my journal, “I am in a season of mature pruning; about values and identity. God is good, and God will work this out for my good. God is good, and He is good all the time.”
Then the Lord interrupted my thoughts. “Crista. Do you really believe this? Not yet. Not yet in your heart. This is the point I want to bring you to know that you know that you know for your own life. You encourage others; now encourage your own spirit in My goodness for you. See how I want to have you believe this for yourself - in your own spirit. There’s been a hole in your spirit that I want to heal. I want to pour out My mercy and grace upon you. I don’t just wish you well, drive by your house and wave as man does. I come to your door, and I want you to ask Me in with you. Invite Me in, and I will come in and be with you. I want you to know more than you do that My goodness is for you, but I had to deal with your unbelief first so you’d be ready to listen. Listen to Me.
Intimacy. Join together. Harmony. Synchrony. A love song played out by The Master Composer, Himself, and His Bride.
Please come sit with me
On the piano bench today;
So we can be close
And play a fabulous duet -