This morning while praying for a friend that the Lord open the floodgates of Heaven and pour down such blessing that there wouldn't be room enough to receive it....He continued my prayer by bringing to mind...."pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into [the pouch formed by] the bosom [of your robe and used as a bag]." (Amp., Matt. 6:38)
Then the Lord spoke: "How big is your robe?" This was not only a question the Lord wanted to ask her, but for myself and I believe the Body of Christ.
And what the Lord put on my heart this morning was "How much are we anticipating the blessings He has in store to give to us?" Are we anticipating His opening of the windows of Heaven above us, or are we anticipating just a little trickle?
I'm looking at this for my own heart to now pray in anticipation and thankfulness for what the Lord is doing in the situation for which I continue to pray. I am opening the bosom of my robe to expect an overflowing of all the Lord has in His answer to my prayers and in intercession for others.
Would you like to join me in opening the bosom of your robe? Sometimes it is difficult when we've been praying so long about a situation, and it seems that the answer will never come. But reflect and remind God of His promises He's made to you....and if His promise was acccording to His Word, then you can trust you heard from Him. Maybe the Lord wants to bring someone to join you in prayer and believing God for your deepest prayers. For where two or more are gathered in His Name, there He is in the midst of us. Praise God!
Come to Him with thankfulness for what He's already done in the heavenly realm. Ask Him to show you the answer to your prayer....for we are to fight the good fight...and the purpose of prophecy is for spiritual warfare. 1Tim. 1:18
Maybe you're saying to yourself that what you're praying seems impossible considering the present circumstances....Rrealize that God not only sees the present, but He sees the future. He sees the answer to your prayer in the Heavenly realm.
Approach His Throne of grace with confidence and thanksgiving for He is not slack concerning His promises, and the God of all peace shall soon put satan under our feet. Hallelujah! This means that we can cover the situation with the Blood of Jesus and pray in confidence that He hears us knowing that His arm is not too short that it cannot save.
So let's go to His Throne of grace and mercy and compassion together.
Father, I lift ___________ to You, today in the Name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who has defeated all our enemies at the Cross. I plead the Blood of Jesus over _________ knowing that Your Blood defeats the enemy. And satan, I rebuke you in the life/situation of ____________ and cancel all your plans against ________; binding all the demons in hell whom you've assigned against _____________, and I declare the righteousness of God over ____________.
Thank You, Father for Your answer for I trust You to bring Your heavenly plan and purpose into ______________. And Lord, I am putting on the biggest robe available that you pour down such blessing that there is not room enough to contain it. I receive all that You have in store, in Jesus' Name. For You have promised to do exceedingly, abundantly above all I ask or think according to the power that works in us. (Eph. 3:20) Lord, I acknowledge that the power in me is the power of the Holy Spirit and Your promises are Yea and Amen. Hallelujah! Praise You, Jesus for Your manifestation of this prayer and I vow to give You all the praise, glory and honor. In Jesus' Name, Amen and Amen.
Be blessed this day.
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
Showing posts with label God's Faithfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Faithfulness. Show all posts
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Promise of Spring
Sometimes like Mr. Tumnus in "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", we feel as if it will be "always Winter; never Spring". But let the Holy Spirit bring refreshment and encouragement to your heart this day. For I don't know the circumstances you're going through, but He does. And He loves you so much that He wants you to know that He's never left you, that He has you in the palm of His hand and you are under the shadow of His wing. He is here to speak tenderly to you in your winter season. And as a child of God, an heir of His salvation, He takes the time to send you an "Heir mail" message during your time of tribulation and trials.
I found myself pondering the upcoming Winter season here in Michigan and how Winter has always been a very dark place for me emotionally. In short, it's not my favorite season of the year. Difficult driving, cold and gloomy days just don't create a happy place in my heart.
Yet, as I continued to ponder, a thought occurred that with Winter comes the promise of Spring; to look beyond Winter this year and focus on our upcoming Springtime. I just love Spring! As soon as the crocuses start popping their multi-colored heads through the snow and the mourning dove begins to coo, I know that Spring is almost ready to display her fresh, new, lush displays of colors from every color spectrum as flowers bloom, grasses green and trees bud.
One of my favorite verses is found in Song of Solomon, Chap. 2:10-13 "My beloved spoke, and said to me: 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land."
And then we turn back to Ps. 23:1-2 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul...."
The writer of Ecclesiastes puts it this way in Chap. 3:1, "To everything there is a season, a time for every matter or purpose under heaven;...."
After years and years of one trial after another, and much weariness, we are in a new season of our lives. My oldest son is about to be married in March...in the Spring. We are overjoyed for them! My youngest son is attending culinary school and seems to have never been happier. After years of physical ailments and surgeries one after the other, I am finally pain free and off all narcotics! The Lord seems to be ushering in a new season of life for our family, and I've been searching His heart in deeper measure.
I can't tell you that I prayed everyday during these many trials. For four years I turned my back on the Lord, but by His grace and mercy, He restored me to Himself, and since that time, have continued to look to Him for His grace during my life. I would pray, but my prayers seemed very weak and pitiful. I thank God for the people in my life who prayed faithfully for me and my family over the past two decades during the dry, desert times...which were many and seemed unending.
But what I also learned through these times is how the Lord remembers that He made us out of dust. Jesus lived in an earthly body, so He knows how it feels to "go through life" on this earth. He experienced much more than we ever have...unto the shedding of His blood...which we have not had to suffer. But in understanding our human frailties, He now sits at the right hand of God, The Father, ever making intercession for the saints. This means that no matter your circumstances, Jesus is praying for you before God, The Father. I've also learned that "Jesus, Help!" is a prayer. And I learned that when I was too weary, the Lord in His goodness, mercy and compassion, gave me scriptures to encourage my heart along the way.
But now, there is a shift. Not just a change in events, but I sense a newness and a shift in my heart; that the Lord is doing a "new thing" in our lives. Is. 43:18-19 states, "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
So as I reflected on our many, many years of trial, I thought of others who are experiencing tribulations and how sometimes, hope of emerging at all, let alone intact, seems less than a fading glimmer. But He's here to encourage your heart.
I posted the following on Facebook yesterday:
"Sensing someone needs encouragement this day....For those of you whom God is taking you through a season of trials (months - years...getting through one trial only to surface as the next tidal wave hits), the Valley of Achor, the Valley of the Shadow of Death, "always Winter; never Spring", where there seems as if there will be no end....know that there will be a day coming of rich fulfillment. Our task is to stay obedient and...faithful to the Lord and not turn away as the devil would have us to do.
We have a choice in the Valley....we can choose to turn our back on God, or we can look to Him as one who sticks closer than a brother. For there WILL BE a day when He brings you OUT OF THE FIRE to rich fulfillment as is His promise in Ps. 66:10-13 (Amp.) "For You, O God, have proved us; You have tried us as silver is tried, refined, and purified. You brought us into the net (the prison fortress, the dungeon); You laid a heavy burden upon our loins. You caused men to ride over our heads [when we were prostrate]; we went through fire and through water, but You brought us out into a broad, moist place [to abundance and refreshment and the open air]." The NKJV describes this as a "place of fulfillment".
Rejoice and be glad for He has not forgotten you. You are in the palm of His hand, and as He takes you through His plan, no weapon formed against you shall prosper!"
Praise God and Praise God! He alone is taking you through His plan for your life for His Kingdom Glory. And while He takes you through, nothing, absolutely nothing separates you from the love of God in Christ Jesus.
Isaiah 60:20 gives us hope in the midst of winter: "Your sun shall no longer go down, nor shall your moon withdraw itself; for the Lord will be your everlasting light and the days of your mourning shall be ended."
Rejoice and be glad dear child of the living God for He SHALL bring you into rich fulfillment and He gives you the promise of Spring in Jesus' Name. Hallelujah! Praise God!
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Under the Shadow of My Wing
I feel compelled of the Lord to write to you this morning to encourage your heart that the Lord has not left you for His promises are yea and amen. One of His greatest promises to you is that He will never ever, no, not ever leave you or forsake you. Heb. 13:5. He IS with us always; even in our point of despair.
Let me share with you that my husband and I were in the midst of a very turbulent time in our marriage. The traumatic experience triggered my PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and I went in to full blown anxiety and chemical depression.
Chemically in my body, I began to slide emotionally. I struggled to keep myself together and continue to function in life and my piano teaching job, but life within me began to shut down in an attempt for self-preservation. My anxieties grew to the point of being overwhelmed and life seemed like one big tidal wave slamming into my heart and emotions. I wanted a place to escape, but could find none. Fear gave way to panic. Thoughts of suicide caused me to panic even more. I knew that as a Christian, suicide was wrong and would send me to hell. Yet, I felt increasingly unable to control my emotions let alone my actions.
It was at this point that I became so despondent, I didn't even know in my heart if God still loved me, because I'd bottomed out into such a deep pit...the deep pit of miry clay and despair. I despaired of my life; no longer able to see beyond my overwhelming pain. I felt so alone. No one to really admit how I was feeling. Oh yes, I called a couple very close friends to ask for prayer, but I never admitted how close to the edge I was....yet, they had figured it out anyhow.
(How I thank God for praying friends who will pray without being asked!!!)
I had driven to a small park down by the river wondering what it would be like to throw myself into the swirling rapids and drown.....Sitting there, I cried out to God, "PLEASE let me know that YOU LOVE ME! It was within seconds of ending this prayer that a friend called me who lived 800 miles away. My heart rejoiced! The Lord answered by having Becky call me. A glimmer of hope. Thank You, Jesus for Your swift answer. (He says to call to Him and He WILL answer. Jer. 33:3)
From there I attended our church's prayer service. Kneeling and sobbing before the Lord, He said in His still small voice, "Crista, I shall keep you covered under the shadow of my wing and care for you as a mother hen cares for her chicks." I continued to sob and sob from my great pain, but I knew God was in the midst of my storm. Just as Jesus said when He looked out over Jerusalem, He was now comforting me with His promise from Ps. 91 that I was under the shadow of His wing.
Why would I, a Spirit-filled believer in Jesus Christ, admit to such a thing? Because sometimes we experience emotional pain to such a severity that we hardly dare to admit to ourself let alone someone else....Because sometimes our bodies take us into an emotional emergency due to chemical imbalances. And like a heart attack or diabetic coma, we need emergent treatment. (I'm not talking about a bad case of the blues, I am talking about full blown clinical depression out of which a person cannot bring themselves out.
Medical intervention for psychiatric problems does not connote faithlessness.
I believe quite the opposite is true. It takes "Jesus Help!" faith to cry out to Him for help and then to do as He directs. And for me, it was to a psychiatric hospital where I could get physical and emotional help in my time of need. The pain of depression was as if I'd entered an excruciating cocoon. Hurting and feeling so alone.
I thank God I had the presence of mind to schedule an appointment with a therapist. My husband and I were also meeting with our pastor, but with my body's chemistry now altered, I needed medical intervention.
At my first appointment, my therapist recommended that I enter an out-patient partial hospitalization program at the psychiatric hospital. I packed my bag and moved in with friends for a week while I attended the hospital program.
It was there that I came face to face with the diagnosis I'd heard before:
MDD....Major Depressive Disorder with anxiety. This was my third hospitalization since 1990. This type of depression has a genetic component, and I knew enough about my family history to know that my German birth mother and two sisters had suffered from depression and emotional issues. Medication has now become a part of my life, just as my blood pressure and cholesterol medications. I thank God for the medication He's provided to keep me in chemical balance. I thank God for psychiatric care workers. I thank God for my husband and praying friends who saw what I couldn't at the time. It's been five months now since my hospitalization and I can truly say that I now feel well! Hallelujah!
In closing, this is God's promise to us that "He who dwells in the secret place shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." Ps. 91:1 And in Ps. 91:4 "He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge."
Ps. 18:6 "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God. He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears."
Deut. 33:26-27 "There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will thrust out the enemy from before you, and will say, 'Destroy!' "
Know this, that no matter how deep your pit, Jesus is deeper still for nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from His love.
Be encouraged this day that no matter how much your storm is raging right now, that He is with you and will deliver you for He is no respector of persons. What He did for me, He will do for you. And by all means, if you need professional help, seek it.
"Lord, please encourage the ones who find themselves in a raging storm. Reach down from heaven to touch them, for your arm is not too short that it cannot save. Lord, fulfill your promise that underneath are your everlasting arms and you cover these hurting ones with your feathers; for You will care for them as a mother hen cares for her chicks." Thank You, Jesus. Amen and amen."
Ever yours in His love and mine,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
Let me share with you that my husband and I were in the midst of a very turbulent time in our marriage. The traumatic experience triggered my PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and I went in to full blown anxiety and chemical depression.
Chemically in my body, I began to slide emotionally. I struggled to keep myself together and continue to function in life and my piano teaching job, but life within me began to shut down in an attempt for self-preservation. My anxieties grew to the point of being overwhelmed and life seemed like one big tidal wave slamming into my heart and emotions. I wanted a place to escape, but could find none. Fear gave way to panic. Thoughts of suicide caused me to panic even more. I knew that as a Christian, suicide was wrong and would send me to hell. Yet, I felt increasingly unable to control my emotions let alone my actions.
It was at this point that I became so despondent, I didn't even know in my heart if God still loved me, because I'd bottomed out into such a deep pit...the deep pit of miry clay and despair. I despaired of my life; no longer able to see beyond my overwhelming pain. I felt so alone. No one to really admit how I was feeling. Oh yes, I called a couple very close friends to ask for prayer, but I never admitted how close to the edge I was....yet, they had figured it out anyhow.
(How I thank God for praying friends who will pray without being asked!!!)
I had driven to a small park down by the river wondering what it would be like to throw myself into the swirling rapids and drown.....Sitting there, I cried out to God, "PLEASE let me know that YOU LOVE ME! It was within seconds of ending this prayer that a friend called me who lived 800 miles away. My heart rejoiced! The Lord answered by having Becky call me. A glimmer of hope. Thank You, Jesus for Your swift answer. (He says to call to Him and He WILL answer. Jer. 33:3)
From there I attended our church's prayer service. Kneeling and sobbing before the Lord, He said in His still small voice, "Crista, I shall keep you covered under the shadow of my wing and care for you as a mother hen cares for her chicks." I continued to sob and sob from my great pain, but I knew God was in the midst of my storm. Just as Jesus said when He looked out over Jerusalem, He was now comforting me with His promise from Ps. 91 that I was under the shadow of His wing.
Why would I, a Spirit-filled believer in Jesus Christ, admit to such a thing? Because sometimes we experience emotional pain to such a severity that we hardly dare to admit to ourself let alone someone else....Because sometimes our bodies take us into an emotional emergency due to chemical imbalances. And like a heart attack or diabetic coma, we need emergent treatment. (I'm not talking about a bad case of the blues, I am talking about full blown clinical depression out of which a person cannot bring themselves out.
Medical intervention for psychiatric problems does not connote faithlessness.
I believe quite the opposite is true. It takes "Jesus Help!" faith to cry out to Him for help and then to do as He directs. And for me, it was to a psychiatric hospital where I could get physical and emotional help in my time of need. The pain of depression was as if I'd entered an excruciating cocoon. Hurting and feeling so alone.
I thank God I had the presence of mind to schedule an appointment with a therapist. My husband and I were also meeting with our pastor, but with my body's chemistry now altered, I needed medical intervention.
At my first appointment, my therapist recommended that I enter an out-patient partial hospitalization program at the psychiatric hospital. I packed my bag and moved in with friends for a week while I attended the hospital program.
It was there that I came face to face with the diagnosis I'd heard before:
MDD....Major Depressive Disorder with anxiety. This was my third hospitalization since 1990. This type of depression has a genetic component, and I knew enough about my family history to know that my German birth mother and two sisters had suffered from depression and emotional issues. Medication has now become a part of my life, just as my blood pressure and cholesterol medications. I thank God for the medication He's provided to keep me in chemical balance. I thank God for psychiatric care workers. I thank God for my husband and praying friends who saw what I couldn't at the time. It's been five months now since my hospitalization and I can truly say that I now feel well! Hallelujah!
In closing, this is God's promise to us that "He who dwells in the secret place shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." Ps. 91:1 And in Ps. 91:4 "He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge."
Ps. 18:6 "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God. He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears."
Deut. 33:26-27 "There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will thrust out the enemy from before you, and will say, 'Destroy!' "
Know this, that no matter how deep your pit, Jesus is deeper still for nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from His love.
Be encouraged this day that no matter how much your storm is raging right now, that He is with you and will deliver you for He is no respector of persons. What He did for me, He will do for you. And by all means, if you need professional help, seek it.
"Lord, please encourage the ones who find themselves in a raging storm. Reach down from heaven to touch them, for your arm is not too short that it cannot save. Lord, fulfill your promise that underneath are your everlasting arms and you cover these hurting ones with your feathers; for You will care for them as a mother hen cares for her chicks." Thank You, Jesus. Amen and amen."
Ever yours in His love and mine,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Our Ever Present Help in Trouble!
It was May of 2010. My husband, Steve, and I just sat facing one another in a type of shocked stillness. We'd just received the report that his PSA was elevated - again! And I was only days away from surgery to correct a severe spinal cord compression in my neck; the description from one of my physicians was that my spinal cord looked like "a twisted garden hose". So when we received his news, we just sat staring at one another. What now? The potential of what we were facing at that immediate time seemed overwhelming....surgery for both of us....now?
I can't tell you that we calmly looked at each other; joining hands for a time of prayerful eloquence. No, instead it was a Jesus "Help!" moment. And in the twinkling of an eye, as the Holy Spirit gave it to me in an instant, I asked Steve to grab his Bible which sat next to his chair and turn to Psalm 57. We had absolutely no idea what this Psalm said, but God did!
Psalm 57:1 "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by."
This was most certainly a prayer of desperation! The very exclamation marks themselves accentuated the intense need expressed in this prayer!
Our hearts rejoiced at the compassion expressed to us by the Lord in such a suddenly. Oh God! Your goodness and your mercies fail not! They are new every morning! Our hearts were comforted in a nanosecond by God's goodness. God renewed our confidence for the days ahead.....
And then it hit me - alone - in the stillness of the night...the time when our most pressing fears come upon us.......about three - five days before my spinal cord surgery....I became overcome with fear in the middle of the night. Steve lay asleep by my side. The seriousness of my approaching surgery put me into full panic mode. My thoughts raced and swirled into a collage of scenes, and I just lie there rehearsing my funeral; seeing my husband and sons....I didn't even pray. I was just plain scared spitless!
But all of a sudden, with absolutely no conscious intent on my part, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart: "Psalm 118!"
The Holy Spirit spoke with such a command in His voice to get up and read the Word He'd given me. I had no conscious remembrance of Psalm 118 and wondered what this might be. I felt my heart jump with anticipation.....Padding out to the living room and opening my Bible, I read the Lord's reassurance that His mercies endure forever and further encouragement not to fear. I just felt in my heart...."yes..yes...yes" as I read along.
But then, there it was, verse 17! "I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord." Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! There is was! The reason the Lord got me up! He knew my anxieties and calmed all my fears! He answered a prayer....but it was not I who did the praying. He did! Jesus was praying for me when I was just an emotional wreck! He ever lives to make intercession for the saints before the throne of God!
Dear Reader, This is Jesus. His mercies and compassions they fail not; for they are new every morning. He doesn't run out of mercy and compassion like we do....His are endless. He is no respecter of persons. He does not leave us, nor forsake us....even when we have nothing to offer Him, but this lump of clay in which we live.
Ps. 103:14 says, "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."
And aren't we thankful for that?! He remembers that He made us out of dust. Jesus came to the earth and lived in a human body and He knows what it is like to face the things we face and to walk through the things we do.
Ps. 46:1 states, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
O Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow!
Life just hits us and many are dealing with all sorts of troubles. And truth be known, there are those times when we just feel helpless to pray. But the Lord would say to you this day to, "Take heart, dear one, because there is One Who knows all your needs and His Name is Jesus Christ. Look up, for Your Deliverer draws nigh!"
But before we go, let's pray, "Lord, I come before Your Throne of grace and mercy; before Your mercy seat, to find help in time of trouble. You know my thoughts. You know my anxieties and my fears. Right now, I choose to cast them upon You for You care for me. Thank You that You are with me always and You never leave me nor forsake me. Thank You that You remember You made me out of dust. Thank You that Your Holy Spirit resides within me through Jesus Christ, My Lord and Savior, and that even now, You are interceding before the Throne of God the Father on my behalf. Thank You that when I don't see the solution, You do. Thank You for Your mercy, grace and compassion upon me in my time of need to relieve all my fears. And may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Thank You, Jesus....Thank You. Amen."
Love and blessings always,
Crista
I can't tell you that we calmly looked at each other; joining hands for a time of prayerful eloquence. No, instead it was a Jesus "Help!" moment. And in the twinkling of an eye, as the Holy Spirit gave it to me in an instant, I asked Steve to grab his Bible which sat next to his chair and turn to Psalm 57. We had absolutely no idea what this Psalm said, but God did!
Psalm 57:1 "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me! For my soul trusts in You; and in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by."
This was most certainly a prayer of desperation! The very exclamation marks themselves accentuated the intense need expressed in this prayer!
Our hearts rejoiced at the compassion expressed to us by the Lord in such a suddenly. Oh God! Your goodness and your mercies fail not! They are new every morning! Our hearts were comforted in a nanosecond by God's goodness. God renewed our confidence for the days ahead.....
And then it hit me - alone - in the stillness of the night...the time when our most pressing fears come upon us.......about three - five days before my spinal cord surgery....I became overcome with fear in the middle of the night. Steve lay asleep by my side. The seriousness of my approaching surgery put me into full panic mode. My thoughts raced and swirled into a collage of scenes, and I just lie there rehearsing my funeral; seeing my husband and sons....I didn't even pray. I was just plain scared spitless!
But all of a sudden, with absolutely no conscious intent on my part, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart: "Psalm 118!"
The Holy Spirit spoke with such a command in His voice to get up and read the Word He'd given me. I had no conscious remembrance of Psalm 118 and wondered what this might be. I felt my heart jump with anticipation.....Padding out to the living room and opening my Bible, I read the Lord's reassurance that His mercies endure forever and further encouragement not to fear. I just felt in my heart...."yes..yes...yes" as I read along.
But then, there it was, verse 17! "I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord." Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! There is was! The reason the Lord got me up! He knew my anxieties and calmed all my fears! He answered a prayer....but it was not I who did the praying. He did! Jesus was praying for me when I was just an emotional wreck! He ever lives to make intercession for the saints before the throne of God!
Dear Reader, This is Jesus. His mercies and compassions they fail not; for they are new every morning. He doesn't run out of mercy and compassion like we do....His are endless. He is no respecter of persons. He does not leave us, nor forsake us....even when we have nothing to offer Him, but this lump of clay in which we live.
Ps. 103:14 says, "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."
And aren't we thankful for that?! He remembers that He made us out of dust. Jesus came to the earth and lived in a human body and He knows what it is like to face the things we face and to walk through the things we do.
Ps. 46:1 states, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
O Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow!
Life just hits us and many are dealing with all sorts of troubles. And truth be known, there are those times when we just feel helpless to pray. But the Lord would say to you this day to, "Take heart, dear one, because there is One Who knows all your needs and His Name is Jesus Christ. Look up, for Your Deliverer draws nigh!"
But before we go, let's pray, "Lord, I come before Your Throne of grace and mercy; before Your mercy seat, to find help in time of trouble. You know my thoughts. You know my anxieties and my fears. Right now, I choose to cast them upon You for You care for me. Thank You that You are with me always and You never leave me nor forsake me. Thank You that You remember You made me out of dust. Thank You that Your Holy Spirit resides within me through Jesus Christ, My Lord and Savior, and that even now, You are interceding before the Throne of God the Father on my behalf. Thank You that when I don't see the solution, You do. Thank You for Your mercy, grace and compassion upon me in my time of need to relieve all my fears. And may the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Thank You, Jesus....Thank You. Amen."
Love and blessings always,
Crista
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving Ponderings - Beauty for the Ashes
Last week my oldest son, Brandon, who is a pastor...brought a group of 90 to "The Call" in Detroit. My husband and I were blessed with the opportunity to join him for dinner; however with his responsibility for that size group of adults and youth, I was a bit dubious as to how much time we'd get to spend with him. God saw to it that we had the time.....(Brandon, now 33/blue check and Trevor, now 30 and grey shirt, live 800 miles away so we only get the opportunity to visit face to face about one time per year, which makes our times together even more precious.)
One table over, not wanting to miss an opportunity to gab, I took the chance of introducing myself to one young man, "Hi. I'm Brandon's mom."
"I'm honored, " he immediately replied. "I'm Paul." (My mother's heart thumped. This young man was honored to meet me! God's restorative work through Brandon was the reason for his comment.) We shared a brief discussion and I returned to join my husband and son.
And then an adult who is an instructor in the ministries school stopped by our table to chat. Brandon introduced us, "Ruth, this is my mother."
Ruth sweetly offered, "We just love Brandon. When he speaks, the presence of God comes into the room. We are so blessed to have him."
At this point, I could not hold back my tears....."Thank you", I choked. "What a blessing to hear this, because God restored our family. We were just trashed; just trashed as a family...but God restored us." Memories of the past overwhelmed me....where we were then....where we are now. Who would have thought?.....Only God!
TRASHED....ASHES...BOTTOM OF THE BARREL....BOTTOM OF THE HEAP....You name it, we were there.
Brandon and Trevor were both in the mid/later teens, yet still in high school when their father and I divorced. They chose to live with their father....which collapsed my heart to shreds. I felt as if they'd both died in a car accident. My depression turned suicidal and I entered a local psychiatric unit for a week.
During this time, I had also become sexually involved with a former boyfriend. The emotional emptiness in my 21 year marriage and my own issues made me vulnerable to Satan's pit into which I had willingly walked. I submitted myself to the comfort of a married man's arms.
I knew that I was wrong before the Lord and with His conviction, forgiveness, grace, mercy and strength later on, I stopped the sexual involvement, but the emotional attachment still existed. We were planning to one day be married. However, after discovering four years later that I'd been believing a lie, it was revealed that he'd never filed for divorce. The ring and the dress which waited in my closet would one day belong to someone else....and my house of 22 years would belong to someone else, too.
It was during this mess in my life that Brandon, in Feb. '99 - 18 years old and 8 mos. post graduation, showed up on my doorstep at 7:30 AM coming down from an LSD trip. "Mom, do you believe in Jesus?" he asked.
"Of course I do, Brandon. He's the only way."
Brandon continued, "I was in a battle for my soul for the past six hours, and it was only my faith that saved me. I saw demons. I saw angels. I saw the Kingdom of Heaven."
Two weeks later, I had the opportunity to ask Brandon if he'd had a type of out of body experience....He replied, "Mom, Satan showed up that night and said, 'You're going to die tonight and I'm taking you with me.' I even saw the demons attached to the posters that I had in my room!"
He immediately moved back into my home. Sleeping on the floor in the hallway next to my bedroom he shared, "Mom, when I sleep downstairs the demons come after me, but when I sleep up here next to you, I'm at peace."
Brandon turned his back 180 degrees on the lifestyle he'd been living, but I'd had no idea of the drug and pornography world that had taken hold of him. It was while living with their father that Brandon, while in high school, began dealing marijuana out of their home. Trevor got involved in this hell hole, too, even though their father was a lieutenant of road patrol in our regional sheriff's department.
But God performed a miracle in Brandon as he came back to Him with his whole heart and gradually grew spiritually and emotionally stronger.
The fight at times was intense...and I got a crash course in spiritual warfare! Yet, one more great battle had yet to be fought....Fast forward six months. I was now living in a temporary place. I'd brought Brandon home with me after he'd been at his father's. The Lord had told me there was going to be a battle, and I prayed in tongues the entire 30 minute drive to pick him up.
Not more than a half hour after returning to my place did the battle begin and continued for the next three hours. I cannot remember it all, but what I do remember is this: There came a point at about three o'clock in the morning when standing directly above my son, who lie spewing vile and vulgar obscenities in a voice I did not know, I called upon Jesus and His angels to intercede and help with a passion and a fervor never before known to me. I could feel Him at my right side. Brandon no longer looked to me, but to my right.....I cannot tell you what I said, I only knew that He was there....and my son was delivered that night.
Brandon will tell you the same thing. He saw Jesus standing to my right. Having gotten involved again with marijuana that evening at his father's, the demons had returned, seven times stronger than before....but Jesus delivered my son. Hallelujah! Praise God! That was 12 years ago.
While living with their father, my sons wanted little to do with me....I knew enough about their living conditions to be very concerned....There was nothing I could do legally. All I could do was pray. And pray I did!
Then in 2000, while I was 800 miles away in Michigan having just returned from a 5 week visit to Germany, Brandon experienced a car crash in which the oncoming car T-boned his car on the passenger side. He was airlifted to a larger hospital, because there was so much blood. His car looked as if God, Himself had wrapped His hands around the driver's seat where Brandon had sat. Brandon was discharged from ER that evening with a mild concusion and a cracked rib. Someone from the flight staff visited him in ER before his discharge, "Dude, you shouldn't even be alive!!!!"
Then on a visit to Brandon's, gasping, I stared at his car photos for the first time. It looked as if God, Himself, had wrapped His hands around the driver's seat where Brandon had sat. Stuttering through my tears, "Brandon, this is the type of wrecks that only drunks walk away from!"
"Mom," he replied, "It was as if an angel knocked me out just prior to the impact."
.....But God.....
Then last year, while camping in the northern wilderness of Michigan's Upper Peninsula, Steve and I made our way into a local village to secure more staples. My cell phone indicated I had some voice mails.
Trevor's voice...weak, but there....."Mom, I'm in the hospital. Remember the dream you told me about where you saw me in the hospital and I was calling out to God, well...it's happening now...."......and his voice trailed off......My heart stopped and I burst into tears....
I could barely get the words out to my husband....Just holding my phone up in the air to his face, I choked, "That was Trevor. I don't know if he's dead or alive....."
And because there was no cell phone coverage where we were camping, this voice mail was 24 hours old!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!
Frantically I called Trevor....no answer......then Brandon....no answer.....All I could do was wait and pray....Within a half hour, Brandon called....Trevor had made some bad choices the night before....Knowing that he was medically crashing, Trevor had called 911 for himself....He was admitted to ER at about midnight. All I know is that his condition was not good. Brandon arrived and prayed for Trevor....Trevor vomited into the wastebasket....He was released to go home at approximately 5:30 AM. The doctor stated, "You should not have gotten better this quickly. This just doesn't happen." Trevor made it into work that morning....from one foot in the grave to fully restored.
There had been a time when in the midst of losing my 3500 sq. ft. home on a spacious, country 10 acres and everything I owned with the exception of 10 plastic storage bins containing my "savings" that I cried out to God. "Lord, please, I beg of You, may I never have to bury either of my sons!" I had nothing....but I had my salvation and my sons were alive. I vowed that I could weather whatever further came my way....
Thanksgiving....Yes, thank You, Lord for restoring our family and giving us Your beauty for the ashes. Isaiah 61:3.
Thank You that in the Valley of Achor...that place of death....You ARE Our Door of Hope. (Hosea 2:14 and You became My Husband...Hosea 2:16)
Lord, I pray that this testimony of how You have worked in our lives will encourage someone else today who needs to know You ARE with them and You ARE mighty in battle and Your arm is not too short that it cannot save. (Isaiah 59:1)
"Lord God, I come before You in the mighty Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ and I pray that since You know exactly how You want to reveal Yourself to the person reading this testimony of Your Goodness, Glory and Strength that You show Yourself strong on their behalf. Lord, when we are weak, then are You strong and You've told us that Your Grace is sufficient for us. Father, I pray Your Grace be revealed for Your Glory in each and every person who reads this today....for Lord, we need You. I pray Your Peace which surpasses understanding to cover the heart and mind of every person who reads this testimony....knowing that we overcome the evil one by the word of our testimony and the Blood of the Lamb. Glory to Your Name! Amen and amen."
Be blessed and Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Forgiving the Unforgivable
I've been reading Denise George's blog: "Encouragement for Wounded Women" (http://encouragementforwoundedwomen.blogspot.com) and her latest posting deals with a new book she's written re: forgiveness.
That touched a deep cord with my heart. You see, my adoptive mother had been one of the sexual offenders in my past. Nobody knew about it. This secret I buried so deeply in my unconsciousness that I had forgotten about it until my mid-30's, in 1986, when I'd been in counseling for major depression. About eight months into my counseling I sat in my room, alone, praying and writing as I had for so many countless days during the black shroud which had descended upon my mind and heart after a major downsizing at my place of employment. I had to step down from a nursing administrative position...back to a supervisory position. I knew it was inevitable, but when it happened, my house of cards disintegrated....everything crashed.
This was not just depression, I was also suicidal at the time. Dreams had turned into nightmares of fires from which I could not escape....Daytime became no less comforting as voices in my head...hearing my father's voice...constantly telling me that I'd failed...over and over and over again.....relentless....I felt robotic. Even driving became and exercise in "who would win"....Satan or God? If I arrived at my destination unhurt, then God won...and if I didn't, then Satan won. I felt in control of nothing. I felt nothing...only as if a walking dead woman. My new supervisor told me that I had to pull it together for my staff....Taking a long, sucking draw on her cigarette across the conference room table from me' squinting her eyes, she warned (meaning my staff), "They'll get you, you know. They'll get you." My paranoia jumped to a new level.
It was during this time that I began to journal....It was my lifeline to sanity. Somehow, I felt that if I could write, I might find something within myself to be able to remain sane. I desperately fought to "find me" by writing tirelessly in the middle of the night...seeking God....seeking myself.....I had two little boys and held a nursing management position in one of our local hospitals. I wanted to remain in touch with what little reality I had left for my sons. I didn't care about my husband.....His support remained non-existent; even though he worked in law enforcement and dealt with family issues in his daily routine.
My mental state was fragile at best and the psychiatrist who I was seeing at the time (her specialty being children) had given me her cell phone number in case I needed to speak to her. She had decided not to use any medical treatment for me stating that the "side effects were worse than the depression". (Anti-depressives were just not as safe in the 80's as they are today.)
And so it was that during one of my alone times of journaling that I began to remember.....Seeing myself on the floor in our bathroom when I was about 3 or 4. My mother seemed obsessed with my private area. Somehow at that age, I knew that I had "three holes down there".....Memories of my mother with me in indoor tents we'd constructed...age 4-5....Her graphic description to me of how babies were made....Other things I witnessed that I will not write publicly.....
Being trapped in the bathroom with her and my brother while she gave us both enemas and ordered us to "hold it". I remember my brother and I screaming...and the consequences for my brother when he needed to relieve himself.....And then....her icy voice....commanding...."Cristy. Come get in bed with me....." I could feel her arm clamping down around my neck...ever tightening as she barked, "Lay still! Lay still!".....My breathing felt as if I must have stopped....and my memory blacked out. These times continued until I was in my early teens....There was just no saying no to my mother. I remember telling her no once when I was 13 or 14...and she replied as a commanding officer, "I said, 'Get in bed with me'."......Still to this day I do not have total memory of those times. I believe it is God's way of protecting me.
As these memories flooded back, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I prayed for God to kill me, because my pain and grief was so overwhelming. Writhing on the floor in my room, I begged God to kill me....but He didn't....and years later, I actively planned to take my own life....Will write that at another time of how God turned that around.....
Meeting with my psychiatrist, she stated, "Crista, I have no doubt that your mother sexually abused you. There is just no way that people make up the kinds of things you are telling me....."
Years of counseling followed.....By 1990, I began to actively plan taking my own life. My husband locked his gun in a safe in the wall. I knew the combination.... Our marriage had deteriorated to ashes....I felt worthless as a mother....and became convinced that everyone would be better off without me. Of course this was a lie of Satan, but it made perfect sense at the time.
A local Christian radio station aired "The Minirth-Meyer Clinic" early in the afternoon. They always included their help line number, and I had heard the voice of Dr. Verle Bell, MD many times over.
I decided to make the call. They accepted me as an inpatient, and praise God, Dr. Bell was the director of the unit in Naperville, IL where I spent a month in a locked facility in July 1990. Intense psychiatric evaluation and therapy ensued. My psychiatric evaluation stated: "Crista's self-esteem is so non-existent that she will probably be successful in terminating her own life within the next 10 years." There was no hope in my prognosis. None. Only Jesus.
It was during this time that the Lord led me to II Timothy 2:13 "For when we are faithless, He is faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." ....You know the old saying, "When you want to let go, tie a knot and hang on." Well, I had no strength left to hang on to anything.....I was free falling...."God, You're either there...or You're not.".....So when He led me to this verse, there was a flicker in my spirit that let me know that even though I didn't have the strength, He did. My black hole was so deep that I didn't know if I'd ever emerge...and I didn't even know if I wanted to. So if I did get out of this endless chasm of total blackness, it would be because of Jesus and nothing else!
It was while at Minirth-Meier that Dr. Bell asked, "So why would God allow all of this to happen?"....He asked the same question I had pondered so many time. This hurdle seemed impossible to jump. Adoption....Abuse.....I didn't get it.
So he answered for me. "Crista, God never desired this to happen to you. But God gives everyone their free will. He wanted your parents to follow Him, but they chose not to. It was not His desire that you be hurt, but it is His desire now to heal you." I could handle that.
The end of July, I went home....to a pitifully empty marriage...and my wonderful sons...ages 11 and 8.
After my discharge, God led me to a new psychologist....a Spirit-filled woman who knew how to pray. Joan would spend a half hour discussing issues with me and then we'd go to prayer.
I do not remember the exact moment that I forgave my mother....because it was a process and a choice; having to deal with the betrayal and anger...but the Lord's healing and forgiveness came as a result of His healing inside my soul.
By this time in the mid 90's, my mother had gone through a mastectomy for breast cancer, and I was now in my early 40's. The cancer had spread into her bones. (In 1972 at age 53, she spent the following 18 mos. in a rehab hospital as a result of a major head injury following a head on collision which left her with right sided paralysis and an inability to speak appropriately. Her memory of past events escaped her now...only wispy glimpses of days gone by remained.)
She had fallen as a result of the bone cancer and had broken her shoulder. Walking had become more difficult for her. She needed a hospital bed and someone to care for her 24/7. Dad, who had just been diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer and faced his own surgery, secured the services of a home healthcare professionals. One of mom's RNs, Nancy, was a Christian and had been praying for my mother's salvation. And one evening, with Nancy in the kitchen praying....I met with my mother while she lay in her hospital bed in the dining room of their home.
At this point, I need to tell you that my mother was a tough old bird. She'd grown up on a farm during the depression. Nobody was going to tell her what to do. She was as determined as Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with the Wind" that, "As God is my witness, I shall never go hungry again!"
Her family had gone through prohibition times...extremely tough times of dire poverty. They bootlegged beer and whiskey; selling to the elites of their town. Living on a high hill with no water pump close by, my mother and her sisters hauled water up the hill for laundry, dishes, weekly baths and for their distillery.
Mom and her sisters not only served as the barmaids, but as the entertainment, dancing on table tops for the men to enjoy. One of their regulars was the mayor of Lowell; my mother's future father-in-law.
Nobody talked about the "secret" events which took place in their home as a child.....I only heard whispers alluding to things that happened with her cousins in the barn. My aunt took her secrets with her to her grave; only stating that she'd "never tell". Mom's "secrets" manifested in her abusive behavior towards me, explosive rage and her binge eating and purging. Nobody ever talked about the demons inside of them.....All we ever did was sweep our "stuff" under the rug and keep buying bigger rugs....and pretending that everything was "normal".
My mother's primary goal in life was to be a millionaire. I'm not sure, but I think their long career in Tupperware put them pretty close to achieving this goal....However, by this time in 1995, she'd spent 23 years of her life as permanently handicapped...mentally and physically.
I can't tell you the exact point when I forgave my mother, because I spent much time in a depressive fog. But I can tell you that there was a day when I was able to say to the Lord, "I choose to forgive my mother through and by the Blood of Christ. What I am unable to do, You are able, Lord." I realized the enemy had come to destroy her own life as well. She had been victimized in her childhood, too.
So here it was: September 1995. I was 42 years old and my mother was 74. Her body still paralyzed on her right side and now her shoulder broken. She lay in her hospital bed....completely spent. No longer would her bones heal - the cancer had stolen this capacity from her body. The was in pain. My mother who could always do what she wanted....couldn't.
"Mom....Do you know that by accepting Jesus into your heart that one day, you will be able to go Home to Him in Heaven and you will be perfectly healed and be able to walk just fine and not have any pain? Do you know that right now, without Jesus, you will go to hell when you die....and your pain will be worse than it is now....and it will go on forever.....Mom, Jesus wants you to ask Him into your heart.
If He were to walk into this room right now, would you take His hand."
"Yes", she softly replied.
Then mom, "All you have to do is ask Him into your heart. He will be there for you."
It was at this time a miracle occurred. My mother who never needed anyone her entire life, bent her heart and asked, "Jesus, please come into my heart. I need You."
My mother went Home when the Lord came to get her seven months later. That's another testimony for another time.
It was two years ago that I met with a precious woman of God and a friend who led me in more deep, healing prayer....asking Jesus to take me back to the times He wanted to show me and heal me even further....The question: "Crista, where is Jesus?"....I will tell you that in my spirit, I saw Jesus. He was right there with me when each event occurred....And I will tell you that it is true when scripture says, "Whatever you do unto the least of these...You've done it unto Me," (Matt. 25:40)....He literally meant it. Everything done to us to hurt us by the enemy, is done unto Him. And I knew in my spirit that what my mother had done to me had been done to her. My forgiveness for my mother had turned to sorrow for her past....and my forgiveness went even deeper than before.
Forgiveness.....What we are unable to do....He will.
Hope has a Name....and His Name is Jesus Christ.
Be blessed.~
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
That touched a deep cord with my heart. You see, my adoptive mother had been one of the sexual offenders in my past. Nobody knew about it. This secret I buried so deeply in my unconsciousness that I had forgotten about it until my mid-30's, in 1986, when I'd been in counseling for major depression. About eight months into my counseling I sat in my room, alone, praying and writing as I had for so many countless days during the black shroud which had descended upon my mind and heart after a major downsizing at my place of employment. I had to step down from a nursing administrative position...back to a supervisory position. I knew it was inevitable, but when it happened, my house of cards disintegrated....everything crashed.
This was not just depression, I was also suicidal at the time. Dreams had turned into nightmares of fires from which I could not escape....Daytime became no less comforting as voices in my head...hearing my father's voice...constantly telling me that I'd failed...over and over and over again.....relentless....I felt robotic. Even driving became and exercise in "who would win"....Satan or God? If I arrived at my destination unhurt, then God won...and if I didn't, then Satan won. I felt in control of nothing. I felt nothing...only as if a walking dead woman. My new supervisor told me that I had to pull it together for my staff....Taking a long, sucking draw on her cigarette across the conference room table from me' squinting her eyes, she warned (meaning my staff), "They'll get you, you know. They'll get you." My paranoia jumped to a new level.
It was during this time that I began to journal....It was my lifeline to sanity. Somehow, I felt that if I could write, I might find something within myself to be able to remain sane. I desperately fought to "find me" by writing tirelessly in the middle of the night...seeking God....seeking myself.....I had two little boys and held a nursing management position in one of our local hospitals. I wanted to remain in touch with what little reality I had left for my sons. I didn't care about my husband.....His support remained non-existent; even though he worked in law enforcement and dealt with family issues in his daily routine.
My mental state was fragile at best and the psychiatrist who I was seeing at the time (her specialty being children) had given me her cell phone number in case I needed to speak to her. She had decided not to use any medical treatment for me stating that the "side effects were worse than the depression". (Anti-depressives were just not as safe in the 80's as they are today.)
And so it was that during one of my alone times of journaling that I began to remember.....Seeing myself on the floor in our bathroom when I was about 3 or 4. My mother seemed obsessed with my private area. Somehow at that age, I knew that I had "three holes down there".....Memories of my mother with me in indoor tents we'd constructed...age 4-5....Her graphic description to me of how babies were made....Other things I witnessed that I will not write publicly.....
Being trapped in the bathroom with her and my brother while she gave us both enemas and ordered us to "hold it". I remember my brother and I screaming...and the consequences for my brother when he needed to relieve himself.....And then....her icy voice....commanding...."Cristy. Come get in bed with me....." I could feel her arm clamping down around my neck...ever tightening as she barked, "Lay still! Lay still!".....My breathing felt as if I must have stopped....and my memory blacked out. These times continued until I was in my early teens....There was just no saying no to my mother. I remember telling her no once when I was 13 or 14...and she replied as a commanding officer, "I said, 'Get in bed with me'."......Still to this day I do not have total memory of those times. I believe it is God's way of protecting me.
As these memories flooded back, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I prayed for God to kill me, because my pain and grief was so overwhelming. Writhing on the floor in my room, I begged God to kill me....but He didn't....and years later, I actively planned to take my own life....Will write that at another time of how God turned that around.....
Meeting with my psychiatrist, she stated, "Crista, I have no doubt that your mother sexually abused you. There is just no way that people make up the kinds of things you are telling me....."
Years of counseling followed.....By 1990, I began to actively plan taking my own life. My husband locked his gun in a safe in the wall. I knew the combination.... Our marriage had deteriorated to ashes....I felt worthless as a mother....and became convinced that everyone would be better off without me. Of course this was a lie of Satan, but it made perfect sense at the time.
A local Christian radio station aired "The Minirth-Meyer Clinic" early in the afternoon. They always included their help line number, and I had heard the voice of Dr. Verle Bell, MD many times over.
I decided to make the call. They accepted me as an inpatient, and praise God, Dr. Bell was the director of the unit in Naperville, IL where I spent a month in a locked facility in July 1990. Intense psychiatric evaluation and therapy ensued. My psychiatric evaluation stated: "Crista's self-esteem is so non-existent that she will probably be successful in terminating her own life within the next 10 years." There was no hope in my prognosis. None. Only Jesus.
It was during this time that the Lord led me to II Timothy 2:13 "For when we are faithless, He is faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." ....You know the old saying, "When you want to let go, tie a knot and hang on." Well, I had no strength left to hang on to anything.....I was free falling...."God, You're either there...or You're not.".....So when He led me to this verse, there was a flicker in my spirit that let me know that even though I didn't have the strength, He did. My black hole was so deep that I didn't know if I'd ever emerge...and I didn't even know if I wanted to. So if I did get out of this endless chasm of total blackness, it would be because of Jesus and nothing else!
It was while at Minirth-Meier that Dr. Bell asked, "So why would God allow all of this to happen?"....He asked the same question I had pondered so many time. This hurdle seemed impossible to jump. Adoption....Abuse.....I didn't get it.
So he answered for me. "Crista, God never desired this to happen to you. But God gives everyone their free will. He wanted your parents to follow Him, but they chose not to. It was not His desire that you be hurt, but it is His desire now to heal you." I could handle that.
The end of July, I went home....to a pitifully empty marriage...and my wonderful sons...ages 11 and 8.
After my discharge, God led me to a new psychologist....a Spirit-filled woman who knew how to pray. Joan would spend a half hour discussing issues with me and then we'd go to prayer.
I do not remember the exact moment that I forgave my mother....because it was a process and a choice; having to deal with the betrayal and anger...but the Lord's healing and forgiveness came as a result of His healing inside my soul.
By this time in the mid 90's, my mother had gone through a mastectomy for breast cancer, and I was now in my early 40's. The cancer had spread into her bones. (In 1972 at age 53, she spent the following 18 mos. in a rehab hospital as a result of a major head injury following a head on collision which left her with right sided paralysis and an inability to speak appropriately. Her memory of past events escaped her now...only wispy glimpses of days gone by remained.)
She had fallen as a result of the bone cancer and had broken her shoulder. Walking had become more difficult for her. She needed a hospital bed and someone to care for her 24/7. Dad, who had just been diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer and faced his own surgery, secured the services of a home healthcare professionals. One of mom's RNs, Nancy, was a Christian and had been praying for my mother's salvation. And one evening, with Nancy in the kitchen praying....I met with my mother while she lay in her hospital bed in the dining room of their home.
At this point, I need to tell you that my mother was a tough old bird. She'd grown up on a farm during the depression. Nobody was going to tell her what to do. She was as determined as Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone with the Wind" that, "As God is my witness, I shall never go hungry again!"
Her family had gone through prohibition times...extremely tough times of dire poverty. They bootlegged beer and whiskey; selling to the elites of their town. Living on a high hill with no water pump close by, my mother and her sisters hauled water up the hill for laundry, dishes, weekly baths and for their distillery.
Mom and her sisters not only served as the barmaids, but as the entertainment, dancing on table tops for the men to enjoy. One of their regulars was the mayor of Lowell; my mother's future father-in-law.
Nobody talked about the "secret" events which took place in their home as a child.....I only heard whispers alluding to things that happened with her cousins in the barn. My aunt took her secrets with her to her grave; only stating that she'd "never tell". Mom's "secrets" manifested in her abusive behavior towards me, explosive rage and her binge eating and purging. Nobody ever talked about the demons inside of them.....All we ever did was sweep our "stuff" under the rug and keep buying bigger rugs....and pretending that everything was "normal".
My mother's primary goal in life was to be a millionaire. I'm not sure, but I think their long career in Tupperware put them pretty close to achieving this goal....However, by this time in 1995, she'd spent 23 years of her life as permanently handicapped...mentally and physically.
I can't tell you the exact point when I forgave my mother, because I spent much time in a depressive fog. But I can tell you that there was a day when I was able to say to the Lord, "I choose to forgive my mother through and by the Blood of Christ. What I am unable to do, You are able, Lord." I realized the enemy had come to destroy her own life as well. She had been victimized in her childhood, too.
So here it was: September 1995. I was 42 years old and my mother was 74. Her body still paralyzed on her right side and now her shoulder broken. She lay in her hospital bed....completely spent. No longer would her bones heal - the cancer had stolen this capacity from her body. The was in pain. My mother who could always do what she wanted....couldn't.
"Mom....Do you know that by accepting Jesus into your heart that one day, you will be able to go Home to Him in Heaven and you will be perfectly healed and be able to walk just fine and not have any pain? Do you know that right now, without Jesus, you will go to hell when you die....and your pain will be worse than it is now....and it will go on forever.....Mom, Jesus wants you to ask Him into your heart.
If He were to walk into this room right now, would you take His hand."
"Yes", she softly replied.
Then mom, "All you have to do is ask Him into your heart. He will be there for you."
It was at this time a miracle occurred. My mother who never needed anyone her entire life, bent her heart and asked, "Jesus, please come into my heart. I need You."
My mother went Home when the Lord came to get her seven months later. That's another testimony for another time.
It was two years ago that I met with a precious woman of God and a friend who led me in more deep, healing prayer....asking Jesus to take me back to the times He wanted to show me and heal me even further....The question: "Crista, where is Jesus?"....I will tell you that in my spirit, I saw Jesus. He was right there with me when each event occurred....And I will tell you that it is true when scripture says, "Whatever you do unto the least of these...You've done it unto Me," (Matt. 25:40)....He literally meant it. Everything done to us to hurt us by the enemy, is done unto Him. And I knew in my spirit that what my mother had done to me had been done to her. My forgiveness for my mother had turned to sorrow for her past....and my forgiveness went even deeper than before.
Forgiveness.....What we are unable to do....He will.
Hope has a Name....and His Name is Jesus Christ.
Be blessed.~
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
Monday, March 7, 2011
I Have Inscribed You on the Palms of My Hands
This is for those of us who sometimes wonder where God is when it hurts~ Life hurts - whether it be in body, mind, emotions or spirit….There are those time in life when the storms “overtake” our ability to see beyond them…because all we see is the blackness of the boiling sea below and the pitch of clouds above.
We look out onto the horizon….straining to see a glimpse of land ahead…but we can’t even see land let alone concoct a glimmer of sunlight along our path…Weariness overtakes us…
A couple months ago, I decided it was time to deal with pain management for my arthritis…I simply could not take it anymore. Chronic pain was sucking the life out of me by day and by night…It was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain patience for simple bumps in the road…I sought help from my doctor for the pain and depression.
“Are you suicidal?”, she inquired….
“Oh no….I still enjoy getting together with friends…”
But after my appointment, I began to reflect…suicidal?….No….Wanting God to take me Home and say that I had completed what He’d called me to do…Yes. I just wanted to be out of the constant grind of pain. I was exhausted; wanting to be out of pain; wanting to have a "good" night's sleep.
Exhaustion…Yesterday writing to my dear friend, Clo. “Please pray for me…..” Her words…God’s words of comfort in return…bolstering my spirit - just to know she was there and praying - taking the burden off my shoulders. (Yes, my hubby is a support - for those of you who might wonder…but sometimes, it’s too close…and he needs his own support person….and this is why friends are so vital.)
Personal struggles make it difficult to “find” God in the darkness as we grope our way along…as a blind man reaching out to touch the next stable point in life…the next step….tentative…and then at times, stopping altogether…resting…catching our breath…or just plain too weary….
Where’s God?….”Lord, I enjoyed your presence so much in the land of plenty…but in the desert, I’m not sure anymore where You are?…Have I disappointed you in my weariness of body and You have given up on me and walked away?…Did my pain give way to You turning Your back on me in my time of need, because I did not meet Your expectations?”
And it is in these types of times that I find myself wrestling with God….like this morning….I had read something yesterday that someone else wrote about the Lord’s Presence being so close…and agony hit…”Lord, we enjoyed such communion…but it is as if I can’t find You right now….”
Yesterday at the nursing home, sharing a testimony of my friend, Becky…recovering from shoulder surgery…How the Lord’s Presence enveloped her - encouraging her heart - for one reason only - His loving kindness, compassion and mercy.
Then the Lord gave me an image of a mother sitting on the side of her young child’s bed - feverish - delirious at times - a cool cloth on her head - bending over her child - stroking her face - praying - loving - touching…never letting go….sitting through the night watch…at times taking her unconscious child from the bed to cradle her in her arms…rocking…singing…praying…stroking back sweat soaked hair…Her child at times seeing her only through fluttering eyelids…then drifting off into feverish sleep…until her child finally awakens…eyes wide open…”Hi Mommy…Can I have something to eat?…I’m hungry.”
Her child has “come back”…
“Mommy?…”
“Yes, my love…“
“I didn’t know where you were…I was so afraid…I couldn’t find you…”
“My darling child…I know. You were so sick…but I was right here all the time…Holding you, loving you. You are my precious one…”
And that’s how it is at times in life, isn’t it? Sometimes we are that little child…and sometimes, He gives us the privilege of sitting beside someone else’s bed to get them through the night…to be Jesus to them in the darkness of soul….
This morning…watching the little finches outside our living room window…reflecting…turning on the music I so enjoy during my times of reading scripture or writing…soft and soothing…comforting…non-invasive…
“Lord, where it is so easy for me to encourage others…please encourage my own heart…It’s been so long since I have really “felt” You close….We enjoyed such communion in the land of plenty…Reveal Yourself to my heart in the desert…”
And I had no more finished this prayer, than He broke into my thoughts…”Can a nursing mother forget her baby at her breast? Though she may forget, I will never forget you, for I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands…”
Isaiah 49:13-16 says it this way….”…For the Lord has comforted His people, and will have mercy on His afflicted. But Zion said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me.’ ‘Can a woman forget her nursing child and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me.”
In closing, I pray your heart be encouraged this day…If you are the child in this image…He is with you….
And if you are being used as a “mother” to someone else right now…praise God…Continue to be there in the night watch…God is using you to encourage the heart of another weary traveler until “the fever breaks”.
(P.S. If you suffer from chronic pain and have not yet done so, I encourage you to seek assistance from your physician. It may take some trial and error as you work together to find the combination that is right for your body, mind, emotions, and also approved by your insurance company. Eat heathly...and tell someone you trust what you're going through....We all need someone to hold up our arms when we get weary.)
God bless you all~
Ever in His love and mine,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com http://dinnerwiththeking.blogspot.com
Sunday, February 6, 2011
His Everlasting Arms in the Nothingness~
When I was in nurse’s training (a very long time ago….), we had an instructor who had served in the military. Miss Mary Mason. And every time we needed to clear the hall for an oncoming patient, she’d sharply call out, “Flatten agin the wall. Flatten agin the wall!” Simply stated, “Make way! Clear the way! Don’t be in the way!”
In reflecting this morning, that’s how we feel sometimes in life….like we’re the ones who’ve been flattened…run over…and left for dead in whatever it is that mowed us over…and we don’t feel like we’ve got the energy or “want to“, to lift our head, let alone get up and try it again. We are down for the count, and we see no way out…every direction looks impossible.
May I share with you an experience and then some scripture? You know, maybe you’re not that person…but you know someone who is….Whoever it is needs Hope that only the Lord can provide.
The reason I want to share a personal experience is because it is easy to look at the writer and think, “What do you know? You’ve never been in my situation.”
One of my primary purposes in this blog is to be transparent in my writing…and in so doing…that the Glory of God would be evident….And I pray the love of Jesus and His Hope to transform your heart and mind this day.
It was the summer of 1990, and I was inpatient at the Minirth-Meier Psych. Unit in Naperville, IL…It was a locked unit…One evening, something happened that I cannot explain…but another resident had shared something…and it was as if my emotions stepped onto an elevator and I went to the bottom floor…As I did, everything else began to fade…I could not distinguish anything that was more than about 2 feet in front of my face…My nurse led me into the padded room…I think I was sobbing…into a blackness that had no end…a black hole…no end in sight…just the overwhelming sense of loss in my life that would not go away…the losses that I’d been running from my whole life…I looked up once..and could only make out the feet of our unit director, Dr. Verle Bell, and our head nurse…They spoke…I couldn’t comprehend what they said…At some point, my nurse led me back to my room…I can only tell you that if I were to put an age to my feelings, I’d would’ve been 2 or under…no words…My nurse tucked me into bed and kissed me on the forehead.
Morning came…the black hole was still there…There seemed no way out…and I wasn’t sure anymore if I wanted to try…
They say, “When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”….Well, I couldn’t find the rope; much less tie a knot in it; much less have the strength to hang on….I had let go and was free-falling into nowhere…
What I didn’t know at the time is that nowhere has a bottom…and it is called His Everlasting Arms and that Hope Has a Name - Jesus Christ….He didn’t come to me to scold me and ask, “Where’s your faith?”….No, He came to me and held out His hand…”Crista, take My hand…and I will lead you out….”
Now, I’m here to tell you that that’s faith…Just taking His hand IS faith! He says to us today, “I AM the Way, the Truth and the Life.” (John 14:6)…When we don’t know the way out of the black pit, He does.
For there is no God like Jehovah. “For when we are faithless, He is faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Tim. 2:13)
And underneath are the everlasting arms~ “There is none like God, O Jeshurun [Israel], Who rides through the heavens to your help and in His majestic glory through the skies. The eternal God is your refuge and dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms; He drove the enemy before you and thrust them out, saying, Destroy!”
Maybe you’re too worn out to take His hand…then just know, that He’s kneeling down to take yours…
His love is from everlasting to everlasting….and nothing shall separate you from His love….He is not a man that He should lie, and He is no respecter of persons.
Let’s close with these words from the Lord through the Apostle Paul: “Who shall ever separate us from Christ’s love?…”…”For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35, 37-38)
“Lord Jesus…today, I will let you take my hand…because I can’t do this by myself. I don’t know my way out of this blackness…But I will let You lead me, because You’re the Only One Who knows the way out.
Thank You.”
And in the words of our unit director, Dr. Bell….”I can’t. He can. Therefore, I move my pieces.”
“…but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
“…to give them beauty for the ashes…” Isaiah 61:3
….To make the Valley of Achor (Trouble) a door of Hope…. Hosea 2:15
Hope has a Name, and His Name is Jesus Christ…and underneath are His everlasting arms.~
God bless you, dear hearts.
Ever yours in Christ,
Crista (CMSimmons52@aol.com)
http://dinnerwiththeking.blogspot.comWednesday, October 20, 2010
Sticks and Stones....And God's Loving Faithfulness to Heal
Today's post is extra long...You may want to copy & paste...or just sit with your cup of coffee...because this has to do with something we all face from time to time...The agony of words or actions of someone else which has caused us great pain....for ultimately we have to decide what we will do with it...As Christians, we are to be obedient to God's Word to bless our enemies and to forgive our debtors as we ask Him to forgive us. And by the power of His Blood, we do this in faith and obedience to His Word and out of our love for Him. Yet there are those times that we feel so shattered, that there seems to be no way to heal from it all. We're left reeling and feel like an egg which someone threw against the wall...just a blob at the bottom....Let me encourage you, that His healing is available and He will console those of us who mourn from the pain, and give us His beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (Is. 61:3)...for He knows our frame and that He made us from dust. (Ps. 103:14)...For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb. 4:15-16) These ARE His promises and He is not a man that He should lie.
I have been seeking the Lord earnestly for the past month about these heart hurdles that just were not healing within...and wrote in my journal yesterday morning: "The greatest battles in life come not from without, but from within. My greatest battles are personal. they come from the self-doubt and anxiety over personal issues. They are those experiences that feel like rusty nails driven into my heart...grinding, twisting themselves into gnawing, festering sores that just don't go away. My issue is that I accept them as the truth about who I am; allowing the words and behavior of others to define who I am before God and myself....ultimately, I allow the enemy full reign in defining who I am, rather than trusting and believing who I am in Christ.
And then a few hours later, my niece had posted the following on Facebook: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words....well, words will hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and a severe decrease in overall efficiency."....Proverbs 12:18 says it this way: "There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health."....And I am going to say that it is not only words, but actions...or lack thereof...which also cause a piercing of the heart....We're left with a pile of ashes...dust caked in our mouth...and emotional blood spurting out of every orifice.
I tried as best I could to cope...telling myself that I was OK...continuing to push; much like the Little Engine that Could..."I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."....Until just this past week, the Lord revealed to me the house of cards that I'd constructed to keep myself going...how I'd really turned away from Him...and He lovingly and gently blew my "house down"...whoosh....
For unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. (Ps. 127:1)...and I was laboring in vain. I had discussed it in confidence with a couple friends...but my agony continued.
I had resorted to familiar coping mechanisms which were "comfortable" in time of anguish of soul.
It's easier now to look at this and to understand how I got so far down this road. It's easier now to identify the lies of the enemy, but at the time, the blur seemed to be the reality....For in my heart of hearts, which God just revealed to me a couple of days ago, I had thought that God had passed me by and that I just wasn't good enough for Him....WHAM! Satan whispered in my ear. "See, you're not even good enough for God....".....The piercings from this situation led to my internalizing that even God had rejected me, and that I'd never be emotionally healed enough to minister to others. I had unconsciously determined that God Himself wanted to hurt me and I pulled away from Him - which is a natural, neurological response to pain, but it was not the truth of Who He Is and what was happening.
It is not unusual for traumatic events in the present to still crash headlong into events which happened in our past...thus "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder" (PTSD)....It's easier now, today, to identify the lies of the enemy, but at the time, the blur seemed to be the reality. It is much like mixing paint in a gallon sized can...At first we are able to recognize two separate colors, but the more the paint is stirred and mixed, the less we can differentiate the two...until finally, the two become one. This is the desired result for a can of paint, but not for us!....It occurs when our trauma triggers a neurological response for our body, mind and emotions to come back into balance after it receives the "tilt" signal...and it is an unconscious response to regain a sense of safety and balance, and we do that by reverting to our old ways of coping. The problem is that these "coping" mechanisms oftentimes keep us in bondage and vulnerable to the lies of the enemy, and then they become strongholds in our life.
Many years ago while still in counseling and the Lord revealing deep wounds from my past and then healing them, He helped me to understand that the emotional wounding of our past is in many ways like having been in a severe car accident. We go to the hospital for repair to the body for the damage done to it. The major, visible repairs are done. But it is not uncommon for particles of glass to come to the surface after being embedded for many years due their depth, location and size. Some of the remnants just had to "work themselves out"....And this is what happens over time in our emotional recovery from the past...bit by bit the Lord reveals and heals. So it is that at times...past and present smoosh into one. And even when the don't, current events can just leave us tottering at best to hang onto some semblance of emotional stability.
But as we return to the Lord in faith, He will reveal the pain and strongholds within our hearts which hold us captive - to be set free...for he whom the Son sets free is free indeed. His Word says that we shall know the Truth and the Truth (Jesus) shall set us free; for Jesus is the way, THE TRUTH, and the life. For it is only when we allow the Holy Spirit to help us face the truth about what is really in our heart, and the pigpen of the enemy's lies and where we've been feasting...are we then able to come out and come back to the Father; allowing His Love to heal us and make us whole. (Luke 15:16-24) In essence, we return to feast at His table; to dine and sup with Him (Rev. 3:20), instead of returning as a dog returns to its own vomit. (Prov. 26:11)
For it is Satan's goal to have us doubt God and to turn from Him. The enemy comes to pound us deeper into despair with lies from the pit of hell..."You know, you're never going to be able to minister...You're a loser...You know the scriptures, but you're not applying them...God doesn't love you...He loves (-----) more than you, because see what they're doing and you're not? They are a better Christian than you...In fact, you're so stupid, you're believing my lies about you."...We could go on and on with the fears and doubts that Satan hurls at us to stop us at the door of His greatest plans for us....And I truly believe this is why....Satan knows the Lord's plans to defeat him through us! So, when he comes against us...he's actually showing us God's plans for our life...plans for good and not for evil - plans to give us a future and a hope....plans to defeat the enemy who fights against the Kingdom of God.
We are able to walk with Jesus...on His path of righteousness...on His path of emotional well-being...toward the brighter tomorrow that He has for us. (Ps. 23:3b, Jer. 29:11-14) He will bring to light that which is in darkness to lift us out of the miry clay, because he who promised is faithful and true. A bruised reed He will not break. His mercies are new every morning. His compassions, they fail not. And there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1) We are more than conquerors through Christ and nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. God is love and there is no fear in love....for if God be for us, who can be against us. (These are all scriptures that I trust you are able to find...if not, please contact me.)
Let me share a personal experience with you from my piano studio....As a piano instructor, it is my responsibility to lovingly correct and disciple my students....There is a great vulnerability in playing piano...What will others think of me?...What does my teacher think about me?...What do I think about me?...I don't play as good as so and so....And one little girl sadly lamented about two years ago, "I'm not very good."....By the way, you should hear her now!
What do they really want? Loving acceptance...even when they need correction...They want to hear "Well done! Bravo!...just like we want to hear "Well done good and faithful servant", when we go Home. We want to know from our Heavenly Father, that no matter what, He loves us and we are special in His sight...and that He's there for us...even when we stumble and fall.....So, I decided to "take a break" from teaching so to speak...to just sit back and listen. I've asked my students to play their favorite piece of the week for me...and then I've said, "You know, I so enjoyed listening to you play this piece. Would you please play it for me once more...just so I can enjoy hearing you play it again...because you did such an outstanding job!"....Their faces beam with pride.
So come with me now, to the place where we hear Jesus speak lovingly and tenderly to our hearts with all compassion, mercy, long-suffering and gentleness of heart...."My precious little lamb, I've been looking for you...for you were lost for a little while in your wanderings. But know this for sure, I have not passed you by. I have wonderful things in store for you that you cannot see at this moment. I am calling you back to My heart...I know you've been deeply wounded. But I want you to know that everything you experience on this earth, I've felt and experienced, too. They pierced my head with thorns; they spit on Me; they ripped My beard off My face; they left Me in the Garden of Gethsemane alone to pray while they slept and I asked them to watch with me for only an hour. Was that too much to ask? They called me crazy and said I had a demon; My own fleshly family was ashamed of Me; they gave me a kiss and sent Me to My death...I understand. In this, I was wounded for your healing. I understand. My child, I love you with an everlasting love. I have never left you nor forsaken you; even in your darkest hour. I am by your side always; more than you realize. I promised to never leave you as an orphan, but to comfort you in your affliction and deliver you. Come to Me, My child, with your heart's heavy burden and I will give you rest for you soul." (Matt. 11:28-30)
In closing, may I pray with you as we come before Him together...."Oh Lord, I am so very sorry that I turned from You all this time during my pain and anguish. Forgive me, Lord, for how I ultimately blamed Your for my hurt. Forgive me for how I turned my back on You. Lord, by Your Blood, by faith, I forgive those who have hurt me, and I ask You to bless them, Lord. Help me, Lord. I can't get over this heart hurdle by myself, but You can get me there. I lay my heart at the foot of Your Cross for Your healing. I am willing to give You my bitterness and my pain. I ask You to reveal and heal those areas of my heart that await Your healing as only You can do. I look to You, Jesus, the Glory and Lifter of my head...My Redeemer...My Friend...the Lover of my soul. And Lord, I thank You that You will bring Your Glory to this situation. Amen."
~Back with Him....He will do the rest....
Tenderly and lovingly yours,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
http://dinnerwiththeking.blogspot.com/
I have been seeking the Lord earnestly for the past month about these heart hurdles that just were not healing within...and wrote in my journal yesterday morning: "The greatest battles in life come not from without, but from within. My greatest battles are personal. they come from the self-doubt and anxiety over personal issues. They are those experiences that feel like rusty nails driven into my heart...grinding, twisting themselves into gnawing, festering sores that just don't go away. My issue is that I accept them as the truth about who I am; allowing the words and behavior of others to define who I am before God and myself....ultimately, I allow the enemy full reign in defining who I am, rather than trusting and believing who I am in Christ.
And then a few hours later, my niece had posted the following on Facebook: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words....well, words will hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and a severe decrease in overall efficiency."....Proverbs 12:18 says it this way: "There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health."....And I am going to say that it is not only words, but actions...or lack thereof...which also cause a piercing of the heart....We're left with a pile of ashes...dust caked in our mouth...and emotional blood spurting out of every orifice.
I tried as best I could to cope...telling myself that I was OK...continuing to push; much like the Little Engine that Could..."I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."....Until just this past week, the Lord revealed to me the house of cards that I'd constructed to keep myself going...how I'd really turned away from Him...and He lovingly and gently blew my "house down"...whoosh....
For unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. (Ps. 127:1)...and I was laboring in vain. I had discussed it in confidence with a couple friends...but my agony continued.
I had resorted to familiar coping mechanisms which were "comfortable" in time of anguish of soul.
It's easier now to look at this and to understand how I got so far down this road. It's easier now to identify the lies of the enemy, but at the time, the blur seemed to be the reality....For in my heart of hearts, which God just revealed to me a couple of days ago, I had thought that God had passed me by and that I just wasn't good enough for Him....WHAM! Satan whispered in my ear. "See, you're not even good enough for God....".....The piercings from this situation led to my internalizing that even God had rejected me, and that I'd never be emotionally healed enough to minister to others. I had unconsciously determined that God Himself wanted to hurt me and I pulled away from Him - which is a natural, neurological response to pain, but it was not the truth of Who He Is and what was happening.
It is not unusual for traumatic events in the present to still crash headlong into events which happened in our past...thus "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder" (PTSD)....It's easier now, today, to identify the lies of the enemy, but at the time, the blur seemed to be the reality. It is much like mixing paint in a gallon sized can...At first we are able to recognize two separate colors, but the more the paint is stirred and mixed, the less we can differentiate the two...until finally, the two become one. This is the desired result for a can of paint, but not for us!....It occurs when our trauma triggers a neurological response for our body, mind and emotions to come back into balance after it receives the "tilt" signal...and it is an unconscious response to regain a sense of safety and balance, and we do that by reverting to our old ways of coping. The problem is that these "coping" mechanisms oftentimes keep us in bondage and vulnerable to the lies of the enemy, and then they become strongholds in our life.
Many years ago while still in counseling and the Lord revealing deep wounds from my past and then healing them, He helped me to understand that the emotional wounding of our past is in many ways like having been in a severe car accident. We go to the hospital for repair to the body for the damage done to it. The major, visible repairs are done. But it is not uncommon for particles of glass to come to the surface after being embedded for many years due their depth, location and size. Some of the remnants just had to "work themselves out"....And this is what happens over time in our emotional recovery from the past...bit by bit the Lord reveals and heals. So it is that at times...past and present smoosh into one. And even when the don't, current events can just leave us tottering at best to hang onto some semblance of emotional stability.
But as we return to the Lord in faith, He will reveal the pain and strongholds within our hearts which hold us captive - to be set free...for he whom the Son sets free is free indeed. His Word says that we shall know the Truth and the Truth (Jesus) shall set us free; for Jesus is the way, THE TRUTH, and the life. For it is only when we allow the Holy Spirit to help us face the truth about what is really in our heart, and the pigpen of the enemy's lies and where we've been feasting...are we then able to come out and come back to the Father; allowing His Love to heal us and make us whole. (Luke 15:16-24) In essence, we return to feast at His table; to dine and sup with Him (Rev. 3:20), instead of returning as a dog returns to its own vomit. (Prov. 26:11)
For it is Satan's goal to have us doubt God and to turn from Him. The enemy comes to pound us deeper into despair with lies from the pit of hell..."You know, you're never going to be able to minister...You're a loser...You know the scriptures, but you're not applying them...God doesn't love you...He loves (-----) more than you, because see what they're doing and you're not? They are a better Christian than you...In fact, you're so stupid, you're believing my lies about you."...We could go on and on with the fears and doubts that Satan hurls at us to stop us at the door of His greatest plans for us....And I truly believe this is why....Satan knows the Lord's plans to defeat him through us! So, when he comes against us...he's actually showing us God's plans for our life...plans for good and not for evil - plans to give us a future and a hope....plans to defeat the enemy who fights against the Kingdom of God.
We are able to walk with Jesus...on His path of righteousness...on His path of emotional well-being...toward the brighter tomorrow that He has for us. (Ps. 23:3b, Jer. 29:11-14) He will bring to light that which is in darkness to lift us out of the miry clay, because he who promised is faithful and true. A bruised reed He will not break. His mercies are new every morning. His compassions, they fail not. And there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom. 8:1) We are more than conquerors through Christ and nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. God is love and there is no fear in love....for if God be for us, who can be against us. (These are all scriptures that I trust you are able to find...if not, please contact me.)
Let me share a personal experience with you from my piano studio....As a piano instructor, it is my responsibility to lovingly correct and disciple my students....There is a great vulnerability in playing piano...What will others think of me?...What does my teacher think about me?...What do I think about me?...I don't play as good as so and so....And one little girl sadly lamented about two years ago, "I'm not very good."....By the way, you should hear her now!
What do they really want? Loving acceptance...even when they need correction...They want to hear "Well done! Bravo!...just like we want to hear "Well done good and faithful servant", when we go Home. We want to know from our Heavenly Father, that no matter what, He loves us and we are special in His sight...and that He's there for us...even when we stumble and fall.....So, I decided to "take a break" from teaching so to speak...to just sit back and listen. I've asked my students to play their favorite piece of the week for me...and then I've said, "You know, I so enjoyed listening to you play this piece. Would you please play it for me once more...just so I can enjoy hearing you play it again...because you did such an outstanding job!"....Their faces beam with pride.
So come with me now, to the place where we hear Jesus speak lovingly and tenderly to our hearts with all compassion, mercy, long-suffering and gentleness of heart...."My precious little lamb, I've been looking for you...for you were lost for a little while in your wanderings. But know this for sure, I have not passed you by. I have wonderful things in store for you that you cannot see at this moment. I am calling you back to My heart...I know you've been deeply wounded. But I want you to know that everything you experience on this earth, I've felt and experienced, too. They pierced my head with thorns; they spit on Me; they ripped My beard off My face; they left Me in the Garden of Gethsemane alone to pray while they slept and I asked them to watch with me for only an hour. Was that too much to ask? They called me crazy and said I had a demon; My own fleshly family was ashamed of Me; they gave me a kiss and sent Me to My death...I understand. In this, I was wounded for your healing. I understand. My child, I love you with an everlasting love. I have never left you nor forsaken you; even in your darkest hour. I am by your side always; more than you realize. I promised to never leave you as an orphan, but to comfort you in your affliction and deliver you. Come to Me, My child, with your heart's heavy burden and I will give you rest for you soul." (Matt. 11:28-30)
In closing, may I pray with you as we come before Him together...."Oh Lord, I am so very sorry that I turned from You all this time during my pain and anguish. Forgive me, Lord, for how I ultimately blamed Your for my hurt. Forgive me for how I turned my back on You. Lord, by Your Blood, by faith, I forgive those who have hurt me, and I ask You to bless them, Lord. Help me, Lord. I can't get over this heart hurdle by myself, but You can get me there. I lay my heart at the foot of Your Cross for Your healing. I am willing to give You my bitterness and my pain. I ask You to reveal and heal those areas of my heart that await Your healing as only You can do. I look to You, Jesus, the Glory and Lifter of my head...My Redeemer...My Friend...the Lover of my soul. And Lord, I thank You that You will bring Your Glory to this situation. Amen."
~Back with Him....He will do the rest....
Tenderly and lovingly yours,
Crista
CMSimmons52@aol.com
http://dinnerwiththeking.blogspot.com/
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Psalm 91 - Experienced!
You know there are those times that we read The Word, and we read The Word...and we read THE WORD. We hear The Word, hear The Word...and then HEAR THE WORD of the Living God....And we take in His Word....for how will they know unless they hear? How will we know unless we read and hear? And we grow...we take His Word into us...and we grow, because when we take in His Word, we are really taking Jesus in to us...because HE IS THE WORD! And the Word is LIVING!...And the Word grows inside of us, because it is alive, and God makes it grow just like He does a seed in the ground. We plant a seed, water (and talk to it), fertilize, spritz, spray and pray....and one day, POP!...a little shoot above ground.....But before it pops above ground, it must grow in the dark unseen places....But it grows (well, unless you planted a vegetable garden like I DON'T do anymore!)
And we go through life, taking in His Word, and Jesus, filling up with His Spirit...and then something happens that just smacks you in the face, or the gut, or the heart....and God will give us a literal experience to the reality of His Word, His Spirit, His Truth and Who HE IS IN OUR LIVES.
I can't tell you how many times I have quoted that God will never ever, no not ever, leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5 from the Amplified Bible) And this past year, when my most profound prayer from my gut was "God help!", and my mind and heart just could not seem to wrap around very much scripture....God was still there....He IS deeper still....
So, I'd like to share with you how He's brought the reality and Truth of Psalm 91 to the forefront this past week in my life. Will you read with me please? (Amplified Bible)
And we go through life, taking in His Word, and Jesus, filling up with His Spirit...and then something happens that just smacks you in the face, or the gut, or the heart....and God will give us a literal experience to the reality of His Word, His Spirit, His Truth and Who HE IS IN OUR LIVES.
I can't tell you how many times I have quoted that God will never ever, no not ever, leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5 from the Amplified Bible) And this past year, when my most profound prayer from my gut was "God help!", and my mind and heart just could not seem to wrap around very much scripture....God was still there....He IS deeper still....
So, I'd like to share with you how He's brought the reality and Truth of Psalm 91 to the forefront this past week in my life. Will you read with me please? (Amplified Bible)
Psalm 91
v. 9 Because you have made the Lord your refuge,
and the Most High your dwelling place, (Ps. 91: 1, 14)
v. 10 There shall no evil befall you,
nor any plague or calamity come near your tent,
v. 11 For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service].
v. 12 They shall bear you up on their hands,
lest you dash your foot against a stone.
[Luke 4:10, 11; Heb. 1, 14]
v. 14 BECAUSE HE HAS SET HIS LOVE UPON ME,
THEREFORE WILL I DELIVER HIM;
I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name ;
has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love and kindness - trusts
and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never].
v. 15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble.
I will deliver him and honor him.
v. 16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation.
So here's been my week....
Last week Friday, I was driving the highway....70 mph, mindin' my own bidness', when all of a sudden I heard a sound as if I were driving on a rumble strip...which my mind quickly accessed that there was NO rumble strip as the sound increased in intensity....Pulling off I-96 about one mile before my exit, I walked around the end of my car to view a flatter than flat tire...and smoke from the heat! Cell phone in hand...I was going to call my husband (only an hour away! - What's a wife to do?!)....I hadn't even flipped open my pink link to the outside world, when my peripheral vision caught the glimpse of a white auto to my left....It took me a bit off guard....of course by this time, my mind was in a bit of disarray!....THANK-YOU, JESUS! It was a valiant/galient sheriff's deputy come to my aid! Jesus had driven to my aid in a white, sheriff's department car! WooHoo! I hadn't even had time to pray..."Dear God...." HE PROVIDED BEFORE I EVEN ASKED!!!
The deputy was on his way to the scene of a previous accident to do some more investigation....Sure, he'd change my tire. With both our heads inside the trunk, scrounging around for what I knew to be there...but how did they stuff it all in there?....I commented, "I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but I am...AND THIS IS GOD!"
He queried, "Have you been here long?"....And I'm thinking..."Buddy, I JUST pulled off the highway!"....We're talking a matter of seconds...not minutes...seconds!
This is when it gets really God....THERE WAS ABOUT AN 8" GASH IN THE REAR RIGHT TIRE! It had totally blown out! And, I was able to pull off the highway, smooth as glass....
OK...Now, fast forward to yesterday....We've had a "issue" with bees trying to build a nest and infest our enclosed porch....(Last Sunday it sounded like a beehive INSIDE our screened in porch!...Oh...No, no, no, no, NO!) ~Well, the little pests decided to make their way back...so, yesterday, after giving a piano lesson...and my hubby was at work...I thought, "No problem...I'll just climb the ladder and squirt them with our can of handy dandy Bee Be Gone and get them before they get me!....Going up the ladder and giving them a full blast was the easy part...It was coming back down....Looking down to make sure I could see where to put my foot...I THOUGHT I'd made it to the bottom rung and was soon to touch bottom - Cement....About midway down in mid-flight, I knew that I'd not perceived my situation correctly...and I hit the ground full force on my prosthetic, left hip and bee-hind....I just laid on the ground for about a minute or so....listening to the cars whizzzzz past our home...and probably someone (or at least I hope so!), wondering why I'd be lying on the sidewalk in front of my entry door...just gazing up at the sky!....No way was I just sun-bathing! You know what I mean?
This time...there was no cell phone at hand....no neighbor close enough to even remotely hear a cry for help....so I just lay still until I got my bearings and my courage to get up....Everything moved....My derriere hurt like the dickens, but I could move....Well, later, I called my orthopaedic surgeon's office...just to touch base...Yeah, come on in for x-rays....Well, PRAISE GOD...everything is just fine!
Now...if this isn't PROOF of God's protection....I don't know what is!
By the way...the Lord also took care of my dryer issue w/ Sears...Yes, I had to make the phone calls...but He directed me to the person who saw to it that the job would be done right! THANK-YOU, JESUS!!!!
My blogging will experience a brief two week intermission....See ya' later!
Be blessed everyone!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Up Close and Personal
~I was pondering today....about what the Lord did during our service at Life Care Center this past Sunday....how He revealed Himself to us...
~The Lord had led us to Romans 8:35 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?"...v. 38 "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, v. 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
~And then we went into our time of praise through song....We'd just finished singing, "Nothing Is Impossible....when you put your trust in God; Nothing is impossible, when you're trusting in His Word. Harken to the voice of God to thee; "Is there anything too hard for Me?" Then put your trust in God alone and rest upon His Word; for ev'rything, O ev'rything, yes ev'rything is possible with God" Eugene L. Clark
~When we finished, the spiritual atmosphere became very heavy with the weighty Presence of God...and still....and then the essence of what the Lord spoke was this:
~The Lord had led us to Romans 8:35 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?"...v. 38 "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, v. 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
~And then we went into our time of praise through song....We'd just finished singing, "Nothing Is Impossible....when you put your trust in God; Nothing is impossible, when you're trusting in His Word. Harken to the voice of God to thee; "Is there anything too hard for Me?" Then put your trust in God alone and rest upon His Word; for ev'rything, O ev'rything, yes ev'rything is possible with God" Eugene L. Clark
~When we finished, the spiritual atmosphere became very heavy with the weighty Presence of God...and still....and then the essence of what the Lord spoke was this:
"You sing this song, "Nothing Is Impossible", but do you believe it?
Do you believe it? Do you really BELIEVE this? You sing, but do you believe it?
I love you so much, and I walk these halls night and day.
I have never left you nor forsaken you.
O, how I love you! O how I love you!"
~And the atmosphere became even heavier....and I could not speak....God's awesomeness had moved from Heaven to earth in a little dining room in a nursing home at 320 Brigham St. in Plainwell, Michigan. God came to us, up close and personal.
~Oh, His peace and His sweet Presence....and the overwhelming sense of His closeness and awesomeness....I have no earthly words....There were no words, because HE IS THE WORD!
How does one define THE WORD in earthly terms?....I truly don't know....But I do believe, that
God wanted us - all of us - residents and volunteers alike...to KNOW the reality of His abiding love and Presence...and to believe in WHO HE IS - Personally - and what is His desire to do among us...The Impossible - bring physical healing into the nursing home on a scale that will be exceedingly, abundantly beyond what we could think or imagine!
~So, I was pondering today about how God manifested Himself during the service...and how He revealed Himself to the residents....but then I also knew....He revealed Himself to me, too....
I need Him so much! I want to know My Daddy up close and personal - just like all of us.....
~I don't have any great, big revelation of sort....only that God wants to come close to us...more than we realize....to reveal Himself to us...and to love on us as His children....His Bride....
~O, Come Lord Jesus come....Come Lord Jesus come....
Psalm 42:1-2a "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."
Jeremiah 29:13-14a "And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord...."
Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to Me, and I will answer you...."
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